Sunday, April 23, 2006

Screw those queer guys . . . wait that didn't sound right

Chris’s Rules of Fashion

  1. Polo shirts are the devil.  I think they’re ugly and I hate them and hate people that wear them.

  2. Untucked is superior to tucked in every way.  Unless I’m wearing a suit, my shirt is almost certainly untucked.  Tucking in your shirt is one step away from wearing a tie, and would you even think of wearing a tie to go to class?  Not unless you’re Alex Keaton.  And guess what?  You’re not.

  3. I don’t often wear belts.  My pants fit, and my shirt’s untucked, so why wear a belt?  Because the belt industry tells you to?  Do you do everything the belt industry says?

  4. No argyle.  It’s ugly.  I have no rational reason for disliking it.  But that doesn’t stop me from disliking weathermen.

  5. Layers are a necessary evil.  I would love to wear a single layer (perhaps two) at all times, but it’s not possible.  The multi-shirt look (plus sweaters/jackets/Kevlar) doesn’t appear to be going anywhere, so I have to wear an extra layer or two.  At least it cuts down on hypothermia.  

  6. Because I am conforming enough to societal fashion standards as to wear layers, they must be extremely thin.  I refuse to feel like the kid from A Christmas Story.

  7. Blank T-shirts are pointless.  You’ve got space on your chest: say something!  Some type of design on the shirt is acceptable (excluding argyle), but an actual statement regarding your preferences or personality is much preferred.

  8. Perhaps contradictorily, I hate clothing that has the name of the manufacturer on it.  I shop more at the Gap/Eddie Bauer etc than I should, but I refuse to buy anything that has their name on it.  They can afford billboards; they don’t need me.

  9. I try to buy clothes that I will wear year-round.  This means I don’t own a coat (only jackets, which I can wear for half the year) and I wear my t-shirts all year.  I don’t buy holiday wear, or clothing expressly for a specific event.  Buying me a Christmas tie will not put you on my good side.  Giving it to me on Christmas will get you blacklisted.

  10. White dress shirts are boring.  Yes, you need a couple of them.  But that’s it.  The rest should be other colors.  I currently own blue, maroon, green, black and grey shirts.  The colored ones are not only more interesting on Sunday, but can be worn to a wider variety of events during the week.

  11. I never buy anything I’ve seen someone else wear.  If I see someone else wearing something I own, it automatically gets knocked down a couple places on my to-wear list.

  12. Shopping at thriftstores is fine.  They’re a good place to find novelty apparel, which helps satisfy rule 7.  Less often you can actually find nice stuff at a good price.  Don’t think about the fact that someone may have died in it.  There is no point in buying anything that’s not exceptionally nice or exceptionally random.  If you say “I guess I’d wear this” you actually won’t.  

  13. Ties should make people talk.  Don’t buy one unless it’s likely to produce either a “Wow, nice tie!” or “Wow, what a hideous tie!”  Either is acceptable.  Bland is not.

  14. Pink is only acceptable if your girlfriend buys it for you.  Even then I will probably lose respect for you.

  15. Abercrombie is not acceptable under any circumstances.  NONE.  Wrack your brain all you wish, you won’t come up with a reason that I will find acceptable.  

Song of the moment: “Popular” Nada Surf


cosmopolgirl said...

Love your dos and don'ts of the clothing lists!

Jeanette said...

Screwing those queer guys almost sounds as bad as the time I said that whether or not Tess of the D'Urbervilles was raped or if she just gave in, since she had a kid, either way she was screwed... I didn't quite mean it to be so literal...

The Rachel in the Dell said...

So i agree with everything stated in the don'ts. You owe me a dance, i will continue to bother you until you give in, okay so only till i am in town but i will beat down the door of your apartment if necessary. (if you hadn't put up such a fight, i wouldn't actually care, it's little sister mentality at it's best) plus i have lots of time since i am done with finals, HA!

Amy-Alisa said...

I have to respectfully disagree with a few things on your list. I hope you are not getting polo and rugby shirts mixed up because I love everything rugby. And as to shirts that say things. Most of the time they are stupid and after you've wasted time reading them, really want those 5 seconds of your life back. Plain t-shirts are more mature looking. Only high schoolers can get away with shirts that have sayings on them.

Amy-Alisa said...

Oh, one more thing, I love argyle!

And my rule on belts is, if you can see the loops, you need a belt.

Amen to Abercrombie and Fitch, they are evil on earth.

ellie o said...

The thing (or among the things) that I admire about you Chris is your thoughtful, well-considered, and rational positions on all topics great and small.

I've been away for a bit--your blog seems to have survived my absence nicely. Congratulations on finishing this leg of the educational journey.

Anonymous said...

Hallo I absolutely adore your site. You have beautiful graphics I have ever seen.

Anonymous said...

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