Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's been . . . one week

In my head that title is the first line of One Week by BNL, but I fully understand if the song didn’t start playing in your head when you read it.

It’s been one week since what? The Inauguration of course! A patient today was discussing something that happened last Tuesday (I’m being intentionally vague, sorry, confidentially and such) and said “And he did it on that day of all days!” How dare that individual sully Inauguration Day with whatever behavior I’m not divulging. The nerve.

In any case, Obama’s had a week to do whatever he’s doing. I have no intentions of being an Obama watchdog, primarily because I find him annoying and watching his every move would just be punishing myself. Nor would I expect anyone to get much accomplished in their first week of being President. Except maybe Superman, but that’s not likely to happen. And there’s a good chance that he’d be a Democrat. But I found the following stories interesting in Obama Week One.

Heard this one on NPR on Saturday. Who knew I could get my Daily Show fix by listening to NPR?

Obama and Bush, not so different.

This one was also on NPR, surprisingly. Have they turned conservative?

Obama and bad sportsmanship

Reading CNN to avoid studying I came across this. A surprisingly Foxy report. Foxy referring to FoxNews, not the newswoman. Though she is a brunette . . .

Nevermind those standards

Obviously, Obama’s just a guy. He’s a person, and people make mistakes. And these actions aren’t even mistakes per se. They’re just evidence that, gasp, Obama is a human being. He’s a jerk sometimes, he spouts meaningless rhetoric and makes promises he can’t keep as politicians are wont to do. Support him, don’t support him, but stop telling me he’s perfect. And yes, I’ve had people tell me he’s perfect. And not just people on the psych ward.

But thankfully, I’ve been much less accosted by Obamatics (a term I made up, but then found countless other places on the internet. Dang you angry bloggers!) as of late. But I still found this Onion clip hilarious.

The Onion, sharp as ever

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Dearly Departed

Yesterday I celebrated the 3rd birthday of Ranteumptom. Today I must mourn the 3rd anniversary of the death of Mandarin Ranteumptom.

In many ways, I liked Mandarin Ranteumptom better. It's probably mean to post that on Ranteumptom. I liked Mandarin because it was a photo blog, which I think are more fun. Good pictures paired with some brief commentary. Unfortunately my life is now pretty photoless, so I compensate by rambling in the commentary department.

Maybe someday I'll travel again, but in the mean time go check it out if you haven't already:

Mandarin Ranteumptom

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Manuia lou aso fanau

At 3 a child should be able to stand on one foot, ride a tricycle, name 2 colors, follow simple instructions and reliably use plurals. My blog can do none of these things. Evidently it’s developmentally delayed.

That’s right, today is my blog’s 3rd birthday. This is also my 400th post. A convergence of milestones. Does that mean it will be a lucky day? Probably not, since I started it off paying 500 dollars and get to finish it with a wedding reception. But I did eat a delicious croissant in between.

January 24th 2006. It was a different time. I was at BYU, blogging in the Wilk computer lab. Blogging was new and . . . well I was going to say exciting, but I really hope no one ever describes blogging as exciting. Let’s go with entertaining and potentially worthwhile.

In any case, happy birthday blog. At least you’re done with those terrible twos.

Friday, January 23, 2009


We had performance reviews the other day and my attending said I was dangerous. Initial reaction: err, does this mean I fail? Turns out he didn’t mean I was reckless, just that I was uninhibited. I ask the patient’s questions most med students wouldn’t. Luckily, he counted this as a good thing.

Right after leaving the review we met with a patient, who also labeled me. To paraphrase:
“Hey there Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Peanuts. You like Charlie Brown. Not Charlie Brown, Linus. Linus Sadface. Linus with his blanket. I’m here doing my dance and you’re there Linus Sadface.” Then he made a duck sound.

Dangerous Sadface. That’s me.

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Main Man Moss

This week's character of the week: Maurice Moss

He's the one on the right, though Roy and Jen are pretty funny as well.

See him talk about football

See him talk about moths using ladders

See him talking with his mates

The show is The I.T. Crowd, and I think it's pretty hilarious. The last Britcom I tried to suggest to my friends (The Mighty Boosh) flopped, so maybe I'm the only one that likes these shows.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Celebrity Analogues

I don't really care about celebrities. This may surprise some people. The only magazine I pay for is Entertainment Weekly, which isn't exactly the Economist. There's rarely anything "important" in Entertainment Weekly, just entertainment. Surprising huh? I see a lot of movies, I listen to a lot of music, I watch a fair amount of tv, and I generally like to know what's going on in a wide variety of entertainment fields. But the celebrities themselves? They're just people. Do I care if the guy that lives down the street is dating the lady from the grocery store? No, I don't, in case you're wondering. So why should I care if a country music star divorces his model/producer girlfriend? I don't. That wasn't a reference to actual events (nor was the grocery store lady thing) so don't strain yourself trying to figure it out. The only thing I care about is that they get their product out there. Adopt a kid from Lithuania if you want, but don't let it delay the release of your next album.

So it's strange that I constantly compare people to celebrities. Last week I did a physical on a guy that looked just like Jeffrey Tambor minus 20 years. Yesterday I had a lecture from a guy that looked like the lovechild of Demetri Martin and Jason Schwartzman. That's just how I see people.

Sadly, I have no celebrity analogue. It's not that celebrities are usually gorgeous, and I want to be gorgeous. I just think it would be nice to have that convenient reference. "Which one is Chris? He's the one that looks like a brun Phillip Seymour Hoffman." Brun, incidentally, is the male equivalent to brunette. And PSH may already have brown hair, but he's blonde in my head.

The only person I've ever been told I look like is Ben Folds:

I think it's just the hair. We do seem to have similar hair. I've also been told that I remind people of Paul F Tompkins.

If you know a celebrity that looks like me, let me know. Otherwise I'll be forced to become famous on my own so people can compare themselves to me.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Warm up the Idiotbox

Hurray for television! I didn’t even realize it, but Scrubs started up last week. Battlestar gets going this week and the big daddy Lost restarts in a mere 9 days. This is fairly inconvenient since I have 4 months of Terminator, Fringe, Chuck and Heroes on the Tivo. Which means I’m not likely to have time to watch them until . . . 2011? Who knows.

Those other shows are pretty good but not good enough that I can take the time to watch them regularly. Here are my current Top 10, which almost always get viewed within 10 days of broadcast. They’re in no particular order, because ranking them would’ve taken another precious minute.

1. Scrubs
I always forget how funny this show is. It helps that I have a medical bias and that their guest stars are exclusively drop-dead gorgeous.

2. Battlestar Galactica
This show is so good. My neckhairs go bristley when I hear the theme.

3. Lost
I hate popular things, so it’s a testament to the quality of the show that I’m willing to watch it despite half of America joining me.

4. Flight of the Conchords
The season premiere (aired on FunnyorDie) wasn’t amazing, but these guys never fail to entertain.

5. House
My role model. I’m not planning on saying that when I do residency interviews, but it’s pretty much true.

6. How I Met Your Mother
There are so many reasons to watch this show. Barney Stinson, every word out of Barney’s mouth. 1/3 of the words out of Marshall’s mouth. Great characters in a well-crafted sitcom. It’s not rocket science writers, give us more of this.

7. Dexter
This season wasn’t as great as the first 2, but it still kept me watching every Sunday. Which isn’t the best time to watch a show about a serial killer, but oh well.

8. Always Sunny in Philadelphia
I love watching bad people revel in their lack of morality. I don’t know what that says about me, but this show is almost always hilarious.

9. Pushing Daisies
It’s getting canceled so I had to put it in my top ten before it goes quietly into that good night.

10. 30 Rock
I like variety in my humor. Scrubs is zany, House is sardonic, Always Sunny is crude. 30 Rock is everything.

And somehow I still manage to watch significantly less tv than the average American. Average Americans, how do you do it? Where do you find the time? And more importantly, please stop watching 2 ½ Men.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I woke this morning to discover a sharp pain in my knee and a slash in my sheets. I feel like I'm living in a psychological thriller.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Decisions Decisions

My phone is slowly wasting away. Every charge lasts shorter and shorter. Rather than wait for it to die, I think I’m going to preemptively replace it, like you would an old dog or grandmother.

It’s my 5th Chocolate (long story) so it makes sense to replace it with another. I don’t really care for flip phones, so the Chocolate 3 is out. I can get a Chocolate 2 for a good price.

Another option is this Juke. I fancy the idea of having a phone no one else has, and I’ve never met anyone with a Juke. I saw a girl in the hospital with one, but her father was dying so I thought it best not to ask her how she liked it. It doesn’t exactly look like a professional phone, but it is unique.

This Decoy has Bluetooth, which really does nothing for me. But there aren’t that many options for slide phones. I realize that most people don’t shop for phones according to whether they slide, but when you don’t text, have 2 iPods and don’t like taking pictures, the rest of the special features are moot points.

Any recommendations?

Monday, January 05, 2009

The Sexy Chris Project: Attitude and Appendix

Today's findings (and today is the last day, in case you find these dull and want to hear more about Ninja Ropes or my psychiatry rotation that started today) are by far the least tangible. I started with very concrete matters, such as shoes, and now deal with frame of mind and paradigms. I'll also tack on the end various suggestions that didn't fit well with previous days' topics.

Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as park life

I actually have no idea what that means. It's a line from Blur, so I assume it's true. I wanted to include it to compensate for the fact that the next contributor quotes Britney Spears:

As the great Brittany Spears once said, 'confidence is a must, packing is just a plus.' Confidence is one of the most sexy things a guy can have in his arsenal.  The trick  is to first have confidence  and second have confidence without arrogance.

I probably wouldn't describe myself as lacking confidence. Another writer adds this:

You think you're quite clever. You are fairly clever, it's true. I guess I'm just suggesting some modesty. You could start with false modesty for practice, but I suggest a routine of daily negative affirmations.

It's possible to simultaneously lack confidence and be arrogant, which is indeed a bad combo. But again, I wouldn't list a lack of confidence in my top 10 problems. I can't think of a girl I've wanted to ask out in the last 3 years that I haven't. Excluding ones with boyfriends. It's true that I'm not confident enough to break up a relationship, and I can consider that a goal.

A lot of people sent me suggestions that confidence is sexy, and I think the very nature of this project gave them the impression that this was the most worthwhile advice for me. Fact is, I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm just attempting to make myself a better catch. However, my confidence may not translate into boldness.

It's all personal preference, but I think a lot of girls like boldness. For example, taking the initiative to talk to a girl first, or just ask if she wants to grab lunch. 

I have no problem initiating contact once I'm interested, but I probably wouldn't describe my attack as bold. Rarely, if ever, do I meet a girl, decide she's worthwhile and proceed to ask her on a date. I usually craft an activity for her to attend, seek to get to know her better through phone/email/facebook, or try to integrate her into my group. None of these are in fact being bold, so that's certainly a consideration.

A couple writers suggest that I have a fear of rejection, which would certainly work into this lack of confidence angle.

You mentioned you don't date girls long enough to be rejected. Of all the things you do so well, your fear of loss and rejection seems very against your character. . . . Don't assume you will always be rejected just to save face. Taking risks presents options and opportunities that have always taught me something about myself, my insecurities; but I have a peace of mind because at least I know. Assuming the worst actually makes us perform and present ourselves less than we really are. It is exactly opposite of hope. We no longer believe things can and will work out, and we act that part. Don't hide what you have to offer - that simple.

It's true that I told this writer that I didn't date girls long enough to be rejected. However, my point was that I usually decide we're incompatible pretty quickly, so don't have time to get to the rejection phase. But there were a couple other writers who also thought I had this fear of rejection, so it's another thing to consider, though I'm not yet convinced.

Such a lack of compassion

I'm sticking with the song lyrics today. This one happens to be from Korn, who should not provide any dating advice. Here's another thought about my attitude, and a potential adjustment:

To me, thinking about other people more than worrying what people think of you is dead sexy, but maybe that's just pure craziness on my part.


To be sure, altruism isn't my strong point. I've often said that the only benefit to being single is an increased prerogative to be selfish. Ok, I don't say that very often, because it makes me look bad, and evidently being a jerk isn't sexy. I would however like to point out that I do think about other people, though certainly not enough. A funny thing about The Sexy Chris Project has been that most people can't write me purely critical emails, even anonymously. Here are a couple pointing out that I'm not ALWAYS selfish.


This is what I observed about you and this has very little to do with dating. You will take wonderful care of your wife. You will be loving, committed, creative, thoughtful, aware of her needs, and will put her at the center of your life. Why do I think that? Because you are like that with those you are close with. You treat your friends like siblings, you are constantly scheming up another fun group activity/party/excuse to get together. You'll do the same for your wife and your family. You are fiercely loyal.

I don't know what people have sent you, but I think you're a great person. You treat your friends very well, and unfortunately people don't see all you do for your friends. There is a reason I became your friend in the first place and a reason why I still continue to hang out with you.

But I agree with you, anonymous contributor. Attractiveness is greatly amplified by a caring individual. I've attempted many relationships with selfish girls, and have yet to make it work. It's just too big of a wedge. I maintain my right to be somewhat selfish as a single, but it's something that must be dropped pretty quickly to cultivate a healthy relationship, and is definitely a worthwhile trade.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Hopefully you recognize that one. Along with all the mind-bogglingly difficult suggestions (stop being mean, flirt with everyone, wear shirts with collars) came these gems:

I for one am a fan of your personality so I hope you don't try to do a major overhaul. So keep being your regular-guy self, and add on your sweetheart self to the person(s) you would like to try to win over, and eventually it will pay big dividends.

Do nothing? Done and done. I actually got a lot of emails saying various degrees of do nothing.

My only advice is be happy.  Simply put, be happy just how you are- single, and totally the most fun guy ever. You're radness... .so never think anything's wrong with you.  The Hus and I both agree that providence was ABSOLUTELY involved in getting us together-- and it was just the right time for both of us.. so take a deep breath, and relax, and just keep believing in love and mush-- and know it will hit you when it hits you.  Otherwise go about your life and enjoy every moment

Anti-sexy and her husband have a similar story to me and mine, so take her account and add this to it: Both my now-husband and I had independently had epiphanies and accepted our singleness. We wanted to get married eventually, but were happy―truly and completely―about our current lives. We were involved and moving forward in life, and we were both okay with being us. Being married, I am as happy as I have ever been. I love having a person to share my life with. But the thing is, I don't know that I'm sad less often than I was when I was single. There are tough things about both, I promise. Don't think that it will miraculously change you or change your life to be in love or to be married. If you aren't happy, secure, and livin' la vida loca now, you won't be then either. Moral: work on being okay now. That's something you actually have control over.

But from what I've seen in my years of observation and from my own solitary serious relationship, I present to you this truth - there is a shoe for *almost* every foot, and the exceptions are very very very few and far between. Running with that analogy, my only advice would be to try to be the kind of foot that you enjoy being and that helps you achieve your life's goals. Then evaluate the shoes as they cross your path without too much thought to self-manufactured ideals. Sure you may feel you prefer Reeboks and Nikes, but sometimes it may not hurt to think "Hmm. A Ked. That might fit. And I bet that gum could come off." Because let's be honest, they all come from sweatshops. Not to say you can't be discriminatory. Loafers and flip-flops, for example, are not respectable.

As much as I'd love to fan the flame of my laziness, I realize that these suggestions aren't exactly Do Nothing. But they are Don't Worry Be Happy. And this would be easy if I could ignore dating. Unfortunately, I'm not really allowed to do that. So it's actually a significant challenge to both sit back and relax, and not be too lax. Which is why I often err on the side of fixating on dating. I haven't quite figured out how I can do both yet, but it's once again on my radar.


I'm sure there's a song out there called appendix. Here are some suggestions that didn't really fit elsewhere, and I thought were interesting enough to include.

I think it would help if you wore a manscent. I would be willing to help you find one. I really like Kenneth Cole Black. It seems to smell good on most people and it's not overpowering. 1 to 1.5 sprays seems to do the trick. But something else you like is great too.

Very specific. I'm not sure how I feel about Black, but it's probably reasonable to switch up the scent that hasn't worked for me for the last decade.

And because I was told I wasn't allowed to date you.


This was probably the most mysterious statement of the project. Who is forbidding girls to date me? Whoever you are, I hate you.


Confucius say, "He who can talk a good game will get a wife that love to hear him talk."  We think your conversation skills need a little work. Sometimes in life, you have to listen to other people's BS (although, not everything she says is BS) and unfortunately you should act like you care. Who knows? Maybe you will find it does matter to you. Girls in particular love a guys that listens and actively participates in the day to day conversation, not the "guttural guy" language you all seem to know; a plethora of "uh huh's,"  "oh's," and "that's cool."  Take an interest in her.

It's my natural inclination to play devil's advocate or at the very least qualify and adjust the advice I'm given, but I've actually agreed with most of the advice that I posted. I don't really agree with this one. My conversation skills are actually fine. I just don't always choose to use them. The fact that I frequently choose not to conversate with people is something I can work on, but the discussing isn't the problem.


    You're becoming a doctor.


Yes I am. If you're cute enough I'll quit, but no one has given me that ultimatum yet.


    I think we've established I don't know you from Adam, but what I do know is that everything has to be under your control and you hate change.

I am definitely a reformed control freak. I usually think I could do things better than others, but am much better at accepting other's contributions than I used to be. I don't think the hating change thing is accurate. You may be thinking of Adam.


The last suggestion would be to a have a public burning of your copy of Tremors.  That should spark quite a bit of interest.  

Never. I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that. (Meatloaf FYI.)



A couple days ago I got my final contribution to The Sexy Chris Project:


I find that this whole "Sexy Chris Project" is rather pointless. No, I don't mean it in the way that sounds, sure, yeah, you can be sexy, whatev, but you're just doing this for your enjoyment, yeah? Because really, you're not going to change. You're not the type. The way you act now is for a certain reason of your own choosing, or else you would not do what you do or say what you say.

Another person who thinks I hate change. But they're right about a number of things. I have enjoyed this project. Another writer claimed they'd be crying themselves to sleep had they done this. Another thought I was childishly enraged by certain contributions. Maybe I'm sick, but I haven't been saddened or angered by your advice, and thank everyone who wrote in. I've been fascinated by the variety of solutions to my dating difficulties. You've given me a lot of things to consider, and some specific areas to work on. And I think myself quite capable of change. This writer is correct though, that my actions are nearly always deliberate. Not always correct in retrospect, but intentional. I do what I do for a reason, but some of those reasons and corresponding actions need to be updated or changed.


Here's to being Sexy in 2009.




Sunday, January 04, 2009

The Sexy Chris Project: Actions

Aesthetics was the easiest category to discuss. Let’s move on to Actions (with Attitudes following some time in the near future.)

Never fully dressed

The following are from 5 different people:

Girls will be more likely to approach you, if you have a smile on your face.

Smile more. You're an attractive guy and you look good when you smile. And I believe some people think you don't like them and/or are angry because you can keep such a straight face. You just need to smile a little more when you're talking to people.

Add occasional smiles and perhaps suggestive eyebrow lifts. You may have to let up on the straight-faced look occasionally if you want girls to believe you're interested in what they're saying.

You are who you are, and that's not a bubbly, over-the-top guy, but be the best version of your real self. You actually have passions--don't be afraid of letting them show on the outside. Including for others. You don't have to play cool, aloof, sarcastic guy. Of course you don't want to follow girls of interest around and drool on them, but it's okay to show that you're excited to see/talk to/be with someone.

I thought you hated me. Actually, more accurately, I thought you hated everyone. Okay, maybe it wasn't hatred as much as . . . complete disinterest, but effectively it's about the same.

There were lots of random suggestions, such as making more eye contact and learning phat dance moves, but smiling won out as the most frequent complaint. What can I say, I don’t like smiling. Some weirdoes don’t like strawberries. It’s nearly incomprehensible. You may be incredulous, but I don’t like smiling.

To be more accurate, I don’t like artificial smiling. I have no issue with smiling when it happens naturally. But I have a very high smiling threshold. You have to be pretty funny, or I have to be pretty excited. To me an artificial smile is like a lie. Why should I lie to you?

Which is not to say I’m ignoring your advice Masses, because I’m not. I’ll work on smiling more. But to be fair you should work on being funnier. Which brings me to my next point.

I’m an A-hole

Again, the following are from 4 different people.

This is hard! As funny and sarcastic as you are, I bet you don't talk to some people because you feel they can't handle or won't find your humor appealing. All we can say is you don't know if you will like something until you try it.

I have heard from a reliable source that you in fact can be very sweet. However I think few people know that you are capable of being something other than your witty, sarcastic self. I am not saying you should not be yourself because you are indeed a very clever guy who I find hilarious, but maybe you could show the softer side of Chris to more people (meaning girls) once in awhile.

You are too mean. Yes, I like your sarcastic sense of humor, but maybe you should try talking to people outside of your social circle sometimes. Trust me, people don't think bad of you for talking to those who are "less popular" than you.

Chris, although I like your sarcastic tone, I think that it wouldn't hurt for you to be nice and smile once in a while. Girls like nice guys. Guys that smile and try to interact with others and genuinely care for others and their well being. Girls also like guys who show an interest in them and ask about them

Again, I’m not saying I don’t need to work on this, but I think it’s funny how many of the suggestions about my meanness said “I like your meanness, but others may not.” If my friends can handle it, why can’t my prospects? They can I suppose, but by requiring the girls I date to have thick skin it drastically narrows the field. And of course, meanness is not the same thing as sarcasm, which isn’t the same thing having a sense of humor. If I’m being genuinely mean (which I don’t think I am, but I could be mistaken) that needs to change, and my sarcasm could certainly be tempered. Though I think there’s a good chance I’m going to smile less if I try to be less sarcastic. That’s just what I find funny.

As the first advisor pointed out, I do self-select people that can handle me. I do so because I know that some people can’t, who are exactly the people that will think I’m just mean, not joking. It’s going to be hard to stop self-selecting people as I do, but I can work on it. I realize that my humor is not everyone’s cup of tea, so tend not to bother with people who “won’t get me.” This obviously limits me. I think the third advisors comment is interesting since I currently am pretty cliqueless, so I think unpopular by definition.

Combining this topic with my next is this quote:

Perhaps it's your intellect or your dry humor (which, by the bye, I'm actually rather a fan of) or your self-proclaimed reluctance to smile, but you're pretty unapproachable. Again, this may have to do with issues of self-confidence on my end, but if I'm in a room full of people, I can bet you that the first person I'm going to talk to will NOT be the dude who grimaces all the time while (however unintentionally) making me feel dumb. Not to make it sound like I think you do it on purpose, because I really don't feel like you're as much of a jerk as I first thought, but I will admit that I did pretty quickly decide that you were too much work to try and crack open.


Evidently, my meanness (or to be charitable, perceived meanness) keeps people away. This isn’t terribly surprising, and in the past I’ve viewed it as an acceptable loss. Not only am I unapproachable, but these two writers feel I’m too exclusive, and they’re right.

Your attitude is great sometimes. But at times you can seem distant and exclusive. Exclusivity is fun if you're one of the ones included, however, if you are on the outside, or perceive that you are it can be hard to get to know someone or look past their other faults

You always fulfill your callings and try to be social. You do however, seem to stick to the same people, which is good to have close friends, but you also need to expand your horizons and invite others in order to get to know them.

I frequently joke about being elitist. Now, I think a true elitist thinks they’re better than others. I try not to do this, as I’m pretty sure it’s NWJD, bad karma etc. I do however classify people into separate but equal groupings, and stick with my grouping. And I’m sure you’ve seen the theme for today, this limits me.

I’ve isolated myself from a large portion of the population. As an interesting twist, there’s a good reason why I haven’t thought this was a problem in the past. I’ve isolated myself from the main population, but I’ve brought cute girls with me.

I don't think you are super outgoing, but you seem to only want to be friends with attractive single girls. That can be intimidating to other girls who may not be super attractive, but would be a good match for you.

My first response to this post was, duh. What single guy doesn’t want to be friends with the attractive single girls? These are obviously the people I want to spend my time with. But this is a behavior that can be detrimental when taken to the extreme. Another writer offered this analysis as to why I do this:

You don't like men and you don't like to be challenged by men because you're afraid you'll fail. I suggest you walk out of your comfort zone and bevy of female friends to see if life exists outside of the world you've created for yourself where everything is seemingly "under control."

I don’t think I dislike men. I think I dislike sports, cars, fart jokes and life-partnerships with men, so don’t make hanging out with guys a priority. Furthermore I think some of my chronically single associates too often languish in the ease of guys/girls night. If I’m planning an activity, there are going to be girls there.

So if I seek to surround myself with attractive single girls (which I do) and succeed (which is questionable) why has this behavior failed me so thoroughly in my romantic endeavors?

In the wrong weight-class

My first suggestion would be to widen the pool you would be willing to date. I think previously you have gone after girls I won't say that were out of your league, but were definitely not interested in you romantically. Which you could say was their loss for not giving you a chance, but it is what it is. So I think asking out different types of girls and giving them a chance would be a good idea. You might be surprised.

It’s true that I have a tendency to go for the gold. And by gold, I mean brunette. And I have no problem with this. My problem is that I tend to chase the gold until time’s up, never considering the silver. Another writer read this first contribution and added the following

I also agree that you may be too rigid in what you think you want. Yes, you want to be equally yoked, but there can also some flexibility there. I did not marry the "type" of guy I thought I would, but now I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I know you're busy, but make time to go on lots of dates. And I know it's exhausting, but do it anyway. Don't have them be all be girls you think you're interested in, either. Open up your dating pool to include every girl in your ward/stake. Seriously. Not just the ones who are beautiful. Not just the ones who strike you immediately as brilliant and articulate. As long as they aren't repulsive or completely obnoxious to you, go out with them a time or two (not necessarily in succession) and be open to having a good time. Work to be a guy in your ward/stake who's a good guy and who's fun to go out with but not feel pressured by.

Dating everyone? I can’t say I’m thrilled with this line of thought. Sniping is so much more fun, and presumably efficient, than using the shotgun approach. Some take it even further:

A good flirt can flirt with other flirts, but a great flirt can flirt with anyone, even those who are less apt. I would like to see you flirt with every girl. Yes every girl. make it a game and use it as practice. You might find yourself interacting with more girls.

Always always always compliment a girl on something. I think you already know this but it's just good to make sure.

This is a tough one folks. It would help if I enjoyed flirting or dating more, but I don’t really. Another writer commented that I only see dating as a means to marriage, which is 100% true. I don’t enjoy dating, so why do it if there’s no chance for reward? I don’t go to job interviews for positions I’m not going to accept. But of course your argument is that I don’t know what jobs I’d like, and that the interview is how I’d find out, and that every interview is practice for that interview for the job I actually want to land. And you who are arguing this are probably the ones that are married. And I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m just saying that it sounds like being sexy sucks.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Sexy Chris Project : Aesthetics

Thanks to everyone who contributed to The Sexy Chris Project. Except for the Spaniard, who told me sexy people have an X factor. Helpful. But to be fair, she wasn’t the least helpful contributor. Another writer offered this:

Lose the penis. Seriously impeding your dateability. I can deal with the sideburns, but, seriously, lose the man-bits.

I can only assume this is from a fellow male, or else one of my many lesbian readers. I also got some contributions from teenage girls:

Oh, and this look is in,¤t=pic.jpg

So apart from becoming a vampire, mutant or Ken doll, I did get some good pointers. In the end I had 38 contributors, which surpassed my arbitrary goal of 30. I know that I’m prone to writing overly long posts (odd since I’m prone to speaking very succinctly) so decided to break my report up into bite-size chunks. I’ll start with the easy stuff today, the purely physical recommendations.

The Hair Up There

No suggestions on bodyhair. Evidently mine is ideal. I did have one suggestion about plucking and shaping eyebrows, but the writer then went on to say that as long as I didn’t have a unibrow I was golden. I don’t, so I guess I’m set.
Facial hair came up a number of times, with suggestions such as this:

While girls will giggle and give you some attention for strange facial or head hair, they don't actually want to get too close to it (not that you have had weird hair for a while now).

Excluding Halloween, I think that the last time I had unusual facial hair was in 2005. And I was in China, so really camping rules applied. But this is certainly a valid point, and I think most guys (myself included) realize that crazy facial hair is really only fun in the short term.

Now the head hair brought up more issues. It’s worth noting here that with most every issue I received conflicting advice. Not surprisingly, preferences varied considerably. I received a number of compliments on my hair, but general consensus was certainly that shorter is better. There were other suggestions (use more hair gel, try a lighter color etc) but shorter was the only theme. I didn’t get any suggestions for a new short hairstyle, only that I keep my current style short. I have been known to let it grow for several months, resulting in “your crazy hair” “your fro” and best of all “your weird hair” which is evidently not popular. I always thought of it fondly as my Beethoven hair, but clearly Beethoven was not a sexy man.

Wardrobe Malfunction

I got one comment about my pants - Your pants are usually too tight or too high or in some other way unflattering on your body – But otherwise no complaints. Unfortunately I believe it to be my hips that are unflattering to my body, but I’ll look into it. I also received one recommendation to start wearing an eye patch, which I strongly suspect came from David Bowie (who reads my blog regularly.) Otherwise, the brunt of this advice fell on my shirts.

You look really good when you suit up:) when you wear a tshirt is looks kind of frumpy. Maybe that's what you're going for. the unkept/messy look.

Unkempt is not the word I would go for. Casual certainly sounds better. I try to have nice clothes, without veering too far into preppy or metro. Frumpy and sexy so rarely occur simultaneously.

You could change your wardrobe a bit. While your t-shirts are funny, a lot of girls don't want to date a guy who wears t-shirts. Especially when he is 26 and half way through med school. Wearing a button up shirt over the t-shirt doesn't count. You've liked several girls that have pretty good fashion sense. Girls who have good taste usually look for guys who dress well. I'm not saying you have to look preppy, nor do you have to spend a lot of money. Maybe a few button up shirts (casual), a sweater or two. Maybe even a nicer coat. I know you like to have your own style, but you can have your own style and still dress well.

I’m not sure why wearing a button-up over a t-shirt doesn’t count, but I suspect the writer means leaving the shirt open, which is indeed a less formal look. I was much more into the button-up shirt several years ago and have moved away from it a bit, which is probably a mistake, and can be rectified. I do however think it’s a harder balance to make than the writer realizes. I do tend to like girls with good fashion sense. However, they’re normally of the urban/indie persuasion, which goes along with t-shirts. I think it’s a little odd for me to be wearing a dress shirt and khakis if she’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans, no matter how fashionable those t-shirt and jeans may be. I’m not arguing with your advice non-mystery-writer, I’m just saying that men’s fashion is not entirely as easy as girls often think it to be. Having fewer clothing options make things easier in some ways, but harder in others.

As for sweaters, I have a variety, and wear them. I don’t however have a good concept as to whether they’re nice sweaters. I give anyone free reign to walk up to me and tell me my sweater is ugly. Coats, well, I hate coats. That’s probably not going to happen.

Here’s another bit of advice, covering some of the same points:

As far as dress, girls like guys that wear collar shirts and not t-shirts. Sneakers are fine, but mainly for the gym. You can't expect to like a girl that puts a ton into her appearance, but yet you do nothing to enhance yours. Wear nice jeans and a collar shirt once in a while. Also khaki's always look nice also. Wear nice shoes as well. Care about your appearance. If you want girls to care, you can only do the same. I could pick out specific clothing that I would like to just burn, but I will be nice instead.

I’m kind of sad to say that I have 10 pairs of shoes, only 1 of which I consider sneakers. As with my sweaters (and really anything I wear) I give everyone a free pass at telling me my shoes are ugly. To me all shoes are ugly, so it’s pretty challenging to pick nice ones. I won’t necessarily let you burn them, but if you tell me something I wear is ugly I’ll certainly wear it less often. Unless you’re wearing Uggs, then your advice will be ignored. Unless I’m wearing Uggs, in which case I give you permission to hit me.

What Not to Wear

Some writers didn’t bother telling me what to wear or not to wear. They simply advised me to leave it to the experts.

Our advice, and remember you asked for it, is to take someone of the gentler sex shopping with you. (No gay guys allowed!) We are pleading for you to take THEIR advice. Don't look at something they pick out and get offended because it might be something you are not use to. Don't be afraid to try new things--but not pleated-front khaki's, stay far away from those.

I’m not sure why I’d be offended by that suggestion, since I’ve done that many times before. And why would I prefer to go shopping alone, when I can go shopping with a girl? Doesn’t that make most every activity better? Though the problems inherent in my current wardrobe may be due to poor choice in shopping advisors in the past.

I think you also if you want to change your clothing appearance, you need to find a girl that you can handle being with for a couple of hours and who you value her opinion to take you shopping. I am sure you could find someone that could help you with this tasks.

People with good taste who will accompany me for several hours is indeed a challenge. Unfortunately to snag such a girl I may have to be sexy. Such a cruel spiral.

That’s it for today. Feel free to add additional commentary to this advice, anonymous or otherwise. Tomorrow (or the next day if I’m lazy) we’ll move on to more challenging advice about changing behavior (like being less lazy.)