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So I was talking to Twig the other day (I’ve decided that pseudonyms are fun) and she rebuked my claim that I’m antisocial. Her argument was that I throw far too many parties to be antisocial. I lacked a good explanation at the time, but since then I’ve figured out why I’m right. It’s always important that I think about things until I discover how I’m right. I am antisocial, and I do throw a lot of parties, because I’m a masochist.

Now going to parties isn’t usually a painful experience for me. Nor do I consider my parties more painful than other parties. In fact I think my parties are great, which is one of the main reasons I throw them: I think I’m good at it. But is the fact that you’re good at something a good reason to do it? An interesting point for you to ponder. I submit that it’s probably not. I also throw parties because I like to be in charge of things. Again, is the fact that I like running things a reason to run unnecessary things? Probably not. So I like running things and think I’m good at it, but do I like them? Again, I don’t consider the party a painful experience. I’m not an all shy, and I have the good sense to only invite people I like into my home, so it’s not an unpleasant experience per se. But I’ve had better. I quite often end up talking to just a handful of the people at any social gathering. Occasionally I even leave the party to go do something else. So while I have a good time at a party, I think it’s clear that I actually prefer activities with smaller groups, or even better with one cute individual. And barring that, being on my own works pretty well.

I certainly appear to be a masochist in my dating life (don’t worry, no S&M stories to follow.) Almost without fail I’ve been attracted to girls that don’t like me. Through sheer persistence and ingenuity I’ve tricked a select few of them into dating me, but I don’t think any of them liked me from the start. Obviously the “getting girls that don’t like you to date you” plan hasn’t worked very well. Once a girl actually pursued me and we ended up dating, but of course I dumped her after a little over a week. She was a fantastic girl, cute, smart, talented, the whole bit. And she actually sought me out. So of course I had to end that quickly.

I’m even a bit of a masochist professionally. I enjoy the med school experience, but it certainly involves a fair amount of self inflicted pain. I hated pulmonary, but I just had to hold out until cardiology. Guess what? I hated cardiology. But not as much as musculoskeletal. And guess what? Renal was even worse than that. So I pick a career that involves near constant studying (which I generally don’t enjoy) and end up disliking half the material (studying something you hate is a horrendous double whammy.)

So I’m a masochist. Where do I go from here?

Yesterday I decided that I wasn’t going to throw any more parties. I was done with that. I had thrown one Friday that I think went pretty well, but it really wasn’t accomplishing what I wanted it to. The real reason I throw parties isn’t that I like planning things, or that I think I’m good at it, but that it seemed to be a good way to meet girls. I’ve only organized one guys night, and I ended up inviting girls. At BYU I was able to meet quite a few girls by throwing parties, but it really hasn’t worked here. Of the 14 people at Battle of the Sexes 2, I could only date 1. And I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her. So if my primary goal wasn’t being met and I had things I’d rather be doing, why throw parties any longer? I decided to stop being a masochist and stop throwing these ineffective parties.

Today I planned two parties. Why? Masochism.

Unfortunately I am a man of principles. Surprising, but true. Lazy, cantankerous, antisocial, and evidently bad at sticking to my decisions, but principled. Tomorrow is a friend’s birthday, so I had to throw him a party. I don’t think anyone should ever throw themselves a birthday party. It’s self indulgent. But, everyone should have a birthday party. There are few actual responsibilities of friends, but airport runs, kidneys and throwing birthday parties are among them. So I was forced to throw a party for tomorrow. Then on Friday we have The Flight of the Conchords concert. Some friends are coming into town and I believe people should be welcomed. I also believe that people with mutual interests should band together around their common enjoyment (perhaps that is why I plan parties, but the finding girls element is much closer to my conscious mind.) So I’m figuring out what we should be doing before and/or after the show. But I’m not enjoying it.