A cynic’s guide on how to get a calling.
Step 1: Bear your testimony during Sacrament Meeting to establish that you have one and consider yourself an active member of the branch.
Step 1b (optional): Incorporate the balance of intellectual and practical pursuit of gospel knowledge into your testimony.
Step 2: Mention to your Sunday School President that you wouldn’t mind subbing when a teacher’s out of town.
Step 3: Wait approximately ten minutes.
Step 4: Hand your tithing to the Branch President, again showing that you’re active and providing an opportunity for him to pull you into his office.
Step 5: You’re a Gospel Doctrine Teacher.
Song of the moment: “Take Your Momma Out” Scissor Sisters