Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The time of the week when I make gender dynamics observations

Also the time of the week when it’s going to sound like I’m being whiny, bitter and chauvinistic, but in reality I’m trying to make some sociological observations.

1. Hot girls like boring guys. Now 90-some percent of my friends are married, and I’m not saying that all the males are boring. Fun guys do get married on occasion. But I’ve just observed a lot of hot+boring couples lately. And it baffles me. And it’s not that I’m particularly jealous of these particular couplings; just baffled. Because I often see the hot girl choose hot boring guy over hot fun guy. Again, I’m not hot fun guy. I’m not even in the equation, just observing. Sometimes I even see hot girl choose plain boring guy over hot fun guy. Obviously, people aren’t entirely superficial beings mating simply on aesthetics, and I’m not suggesting they start. I’m just not sure why boring (also a very subjective term, in this case judged by me) is so popular with the ladies. Oh the cross we interesting people bear.

2. Girls shouldn’t call other girls hottie. When a girl describes her friend as a hottie, it’s a lie. There’s nothing wrong with describing friends, or with talking up friends, or with objectively stating your friend is attractive, I’ve just never found a girl describing another girl as hottie to be accurate. It may be that girls don’t know the definition of hottie. And it's not that guys are demanding hotties. They're requesting, politely, accuracy. All babies aren't cute and all your friends aren't hotties.

3. Girls carry courtship expectations into platonic relationships. Maybe things aren’t exactly like they used to be, but generally speaking guys are still the inviters and providers in dating. Generally speaking, they initiate contact, make the invitation, plan and pay. I’m not debating the system, its benefits or breakdown. However, I’ve noticed that a great many girls expect the same arrangement to carry into platonic relationships, and I don’t think it should. The paying is split, but guys tend to do a lot more of the inviting and planning in friendships. Why? If they’re not going to get the benefits of dating, shouldn’t the effort be more 50/50 in friendship? And notably, some girls are great about making things happen and calling their guy friends, but it seems that most aren’t.

Again, I’m sure these came across as negative, shallow, and potentially anti-girl. I am in fact pro-girl, as my voting record will indicate. If you like boring guys, go for it. Thankfully some people at least find me boring. If hottie seems like the best description, go ahead and use it. Just know that your overuse has rendered the term meaningless. And if your platonic relationships are running smoothly, you should probably keep up your MO. Just know that some guys, potentially including myself, may feel a bit drained.

Until next week.

2 comments:

esodhiambo said...

I'll tell you a secret: many a hot girl is, herself, boring. That is how they can handle a boring partner. I know it does not explain every odd pairing, but it works for some. Other explanations may include: they were HS sweethearts and have only become visibly disparate since, he has major earning potential, he is not as boring as you think he is, she just wants to make sure her kids are attractive and doesn't care that much about her kids being interesting, or he had the guts to her pursue her and interesting guys were too busy feeling inadequate or blogging about it. [That's not directed at you--just an observation that ego matters.]

I am not aware of a surge in labeling all friends as hotties, but you are correct that over-use renders the term ineffective. I do have a few hot, friends, though. And a bunch of cute babies. But I sure do see plenty of uncute ones, too.

I have not witnessed the phenomenon you reference in #3, either. I wonder if it is based somewhat on perception; of course we are all more aware of the contacts we initiated than the ones we did not. I did have a platonic friend who often paid for stuff that we did together, and it was very confusing to me. Kind, but confusing. He didn't like it when I tried to return the favor. Ah well--such is life.

Fun post.

Anonymous said...

When we employ "beautiful" or "gorgeous" more genuine? "hottie" has been meaningless for a while in my book. We do generally say it to blow smoke, but it makes our friends feel good and no harm in that!