Still Gaga for Gaga

The Ranteumptom experienced its 2nd most popular day ever yesterday. 72 visits. Yes, I'm both nerdy and egotistical enough to keep track of these things. I thought perhaps everyone was visiting to read about my fast food experiences (the guy ordered extra grease, I'm not sure why people don't believe me) but in fact they were looking up Lady Gaga pictures. There are going to be a lot of Gagas this Halloween.

Fast Food Follies

Like most everyone that has access to fast food, I eat too much fast food. It’s just so fast. And so . . . food. But because I spend too much time in fast food lines, I get to see some amusing interactions. Which really, is the exact opposite what fast food is about. The drive-through is there so we can have as little interaction with people as possible. I digress. Some drive-through anecdotes:

1. I have supersonic hearing, so can hear what the people in front and behind of me order. The other day the guy ahead of me ordered three cheeseburgers, hold the ketchup and mustard, with extra grease. HE ORDERED EXTRA GREASE. At least get extra grease on just one of your burgers fella, not all three.

2. I pulled up to the window and the worker started to laugh at me. Huh? I was wearing some bulky sunglasses, but I didn’t really think they were that entertaining. I didn’t give him a tip. Because normally I tip my fast food attendant.

3. I pulled up to the window another time and thought to myself, “Self, the girl at the window is too hot to be working at Wendys.” I then had to question myself, exactly what kind of prejudice was I experiencing? Where does someone that’s too hot to work at Wendys work? I didn’t give her a tip either. That tip thing before was a lie.

4. Another time there was more of a line, so after I got my change I couldn’t drive ahead to the other window. So the cashier guy asks me if I have a girlfriend. Small talk? I came here for a Whopper dude, not to talk about my dating life. And dating? What about the weather, or the new Angry Whopper, or Afghanistan? I tell him I don’t and he starts to tell me about his girlfriend. I was in the middle of a story when I was able to pull ahead, so I had to interrupt him. I didn’t feel too bad about it.

5. One time I got my change, then drove away without my food. It’s on my list of stupidest things I’ve ever done. Also on the list, leaving behind my $40 at the grocery store, and trying to unlock the door to my house with my electronic car door opener.

This post made me want a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger.

Girls Will Be Girls

To continue this week’s theme of sounding bitter (but not actually being so), I experienced the triple flakeout this week. None of the flakeouts were particularly heinous, it was simply their proximity that made them noteworthy. And after the first couple it become almost a self-fulfilling prophecy, where I was looking for the next injustice to occur. I also think it’s likely that males flakeout in roughly the same frequency, I just don’t care when they do so don’t note it. In any case, the flakeout marathon:

Thursday – I’m supposed to go shopping for Halloween supplies with Girl Uno. On the way to the store I thought I’d confirm the time/place of our rendezvous, which had previously been established. “That was tonight?” was her response. Yes. “I can’t tonight.” So instead I bought a strobelight on my own. Hopefully it will never flake on me.

Friday – I’m actually with Girl Uno, doing the previously night’s shopping. Girl Dos sends me a text thirty minutes before we’re supposed to meet up for some ice cream exploration. She’s not going to make it. Does she have a legitimate excuse? Yes. It wasn’t “I remembered you were boring, so don’t want to eat delicious frozen desserts in your presence.” But it was still bailing at the last minute. Fortunately I had my strobelight at home to keep me company.

Saturday – Admittedly, this is a bit of a stretch. I needed to find a taker for my roommate’s football ticket. Girl Tres said earlier in the week that she wanted it. Saturday morning she decides that she no longer wants it. So I had to go to the game. I HAD TO GO TO THE GAME! Tragedy.

I’m not mad at any of these girls. They were all minor obligations, with feasible excuses and easy remedies. But the stereotype that girls are fickle and unreliable creatures? Not exactly crumbling.

Side story – my first OSU football game.

I noted during the game that I must be missing the football gene. I just don’t understand the appeal of the game. But I knew this ahead of time. I went for the experience, not for the football. The experience fared decently, but didn’t excel. My favorite part was drunk fans yelling obscenities, which is sadly lacking from watching football at home. At least at my home, but mostly because I don’t care about the outcome enough to yell (or realistically to watch in the first place.) The stadium was neat, the fans were a bit entertaining, the band was ok (they only played Motown, which is far from my favorite genre), and for some reason they kept playing White Stripes. I’m guessing that Jack White isn't the world’s biggest football fan. So, it was a worthwhile experience so I can say I went. But really I would’ve had just as much fun sitting anywhere else with a couple friends, without a football game in front of us. Oh, and the Buckeye’s won. Go Bucks. That’s what you’re supposed to say right?

The time of the week when I make gender dynamics observations

Also the time of the week when it’s going to sound like I’m being whiny, bitter and chauvinistic, but in reality I’m trying to make some sociological observations.

1. Hot girls like boring guys. Now 90-some percent of my friends are married, and I’m not saying that all the males are boring. Fun guys do get married on occasion. But I’ve just observed a lot of hot+boring couples lately. And it baffles me. And it’s not that I’m particularly jealous of these particular couplings; just baffled. Because I often see the hot girl choose hot boring guy over hot fun guy. Again, I’m not hot fun guy. I’m not even in the equation, just observing. Sometimes I even see hot girl choose plain boring guy over hot fun guy. Obviously, people aren’t entirely superficial beings mating simply on aesthetics, and I’m not suggesting they start. I’m just not sure why boring (also a very subjective term, in this case judged by me) is so popular with the ladies. Oh the cross we interesting people bear.

2. Girls shouldn’t call other girls hottie. When a girl describes her friend as a hottie, it’s a lie. There’s nothing wrong with describing friends, or with talking up friends, or with objectively stating your friend is attractive, I’ve just never found a girl describing another girl as hottie to be accurate. It may be that girls don’t know the definition of hottie. And it's not that guys are demanding hotties. They're requesting, politely, accuracy. All babies aren't cute and all your friends aren't hotties.

3. Girls carry courtship expectations into platonic relationships. Maybe things aren’t exactly like they used to be, but generally speaking guys are still the inviters and providers in dating. Generally speaking, they initiate contact, make the invitation, plan and pay. I’m not debating the system, its benefits or breakdown. However, I’ve noticed that a great many girls expect the same arrangement to carry into platonic relationships, and I don’t think it should. The paying is split, but guys tend to do a lot more of the inviting and planning in friendships. Why? If they’re not going to get the benefits of dating, shouldn’t the effort be more 50/50 in friendship? And notably, some girls are great about making things happen and calling their guy friends, but it seems that most aren’t.

Again, I’m sure these came across as negative, shallow, and potentially anti-girl. I am in fact pro-girl, as my voting record will indicate. If you like boring guys, go for it. Thankfully some people at least find me boring. If hottie seems like the best description, go ahead and use it. Just know that your overuse has rendered the term meaningless. And if your platonic relationships are running smoothly, you should probably keep up your MO. Just know that some guys, potentially including myself, may feel a bit drained.

Until next week.

The Hini

It had to happen eventually. I got a swine flu patient. Now, were I on a medical unit this would be less problematic. But being on the psych unit out patients are always up and around and “in milieu” in psych speak. Which complicates things. And she was coughing on me all day, which complicates things. Thankfully I have managed to maintain my teenage invincibility, so have nothing to worry about.

By the way, I’m back on the psych ward. I really haven’t talked about work these last few months, because I’ve been doing stuff I don’t like. And despite the fact that I made this blog to rant, I prefer not to discuss work when I don’t enjoy it. It already takes up 12 or so hours a day, why let it occupy more by writing about it. But now I’m back on the psych ward, and life is good.

For the first two weeks my attending was on vacation. This was great, because it means sometime in the next ten years I too may be able to go to Italy for two weeks. Unfortunately since there was no attending, they didn’t bother to assign a resident. Which means I got promoted to resident, which was somewhat inconvenient, but somewhat fun. I got to order med students around and do other resident-type things. But the ordering med students around was really the only concrete benefit.

So in summary, I may have the swine flu, but I get to be bossy so it all equals out.

Stupidity Tax

I use my grocery store as my bank. Unfortunately, that means the groceries sometimes distract me from my money. Like today, when I left my $40 at the dispenser. I realized my mistake at my car, but alas, upon my return it was gone. I was taxed.

Forty dollars. I must replace it. But with no income, it's problematic. I can skip eight movies. Six lunches. Four CDs. Three dinners. One date. Almost certainly one date. Way to keep me single stupidity.

Head for Cover

Covers, in my opinion, are a glorious thing. Whether a band is sampling, mashing up, or covering, there’s a good chance I’m going to enjoy it. Sure, Miley Cyrus singing Backstreet Boys isn’t going to do anything for me, nor is Nickelback singing anything, but doing a cover is automatically going to increase the chances for a pleasing performance, for me at least.

Some people get upset at covers. I was playing a song which sampled The Cure recently and my passenger’s response was “They’re ruining it.” Typical Cure fan. They’re not ruining it. They’re reimagining it. They’re taking something existing, and generally favorably accepted, and twisting it into something new. And while I have a slight issue with bands that do nothing but covers (I’m looking at you Me First) I think doing them as part of your act is great.

And generally, the stranger the better. Sure, David Bowie’s cover of China Girl is good, but he’s covering Iggy Pop. It’s like imitating your twin. It’s much more fun when Johnny Cash covers Nine Inch Nails or Placebo covers Kate Bush. Mix it up and show us something new.

Sometimes the results are just amusing, but sometimes the cover surpasses the original. Who doesn’t like Save Ferris’s Come on Eileen better than Dexy’s? It’s only embarrassing when you don’t realize it’s a cover. I was at a concert where they started playing 99 Luft Balloons and a kid yells “Yeah Goldfinger!” Admittedly, the Goldfinger version is great, but I still wanted to smack the kid. But it happens to the best of us; I just found out Nothing Compares to U is a Prince song. My bad. (And yes, I just referred to myself as the best of us.)

Anyway, the point of this post was to show this clip:


Glee is a dang fun show. I had a bit of a heterosexual crisis last week watching this episode. I was thinking about how much I enjoyed this show, then Kristin Chenoweth showed up and I liked it even more. And then they started singing Queen and I liked it even more. And I then realized I needed a girlfriend. Point being, take one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands, have a glee club (which incidentally is not my favorite musical subgenre) cover it and the result is fantastic.

Consumer Reporting

The Whatchamacallit holds a special place in my heart. It’s not the prototypic candybar. That belongs to Snickers.

Fast Snickers Facts!
-Were called Marathon Bars in the UK until 1990. When they switched from Marathon to Snickers they went from the #9 candybar to the #3.
-You can purchased caffeinated Snickers.
-A Limited Edition in Canada contained Maple.

Whatchamacallit isn’t my favorite candybar. That belongs to Twix.

Fast Twix Facts!
-Was called The Raider internationally until the 90s. I wish it still were.
-Special flavors have included Orange, Mint, White Chocolate and Coffee.
-Limited Editions have included circular and square Twix bars.

So, back to Whatchamacallit. Whereas Twix and Snickers and so many other candybars existed before I did, the Whatchamacallit is the first candybar I remember being introduced.

Turns out, that’s a lie. It was introduced in 1978. My memories lie to me. It’s sad.

But in 1987, the year that I thought they came out, they changed the formula of the Whatchamacallit, and gave it a new advertising campaign. Maybe you remember this bit of trippy goodness.


The commercial worked, and I insisted we go to 7-11 and try one. Because at the time, 7-11 was my favorite restaurant. Yes, restaurant. In some ways I was a clever little kid, but in many others it’s remarkable that I survived.

Despite what this entry might lead you to believe, I haven’t thought much about Whatchamacallit’s over the years. Until they did this :


So I rushed to 7-11 and tried one. So now, the great Whatchamacallit v Thingamajig Taste Off!



Whatchamacallit wins. Sorry if that’s anticlimactic. It just tasted better. But I’d love it if they just kept spinning off new Doodads, Doohickeys and Gizmos.

How could this happen?

Rotten Tomatoes recently released their worst 100 movies of the last decade.

I've only seen one of the movies.

How could this happen? I tried folks, I really did. When a trailer comes out and the film looks truly awful, I always turn to my neighbor and say "Opening Night." Admittedly, I rarely follow through, but 1/100? I'm ashamed.

Of course you want to know. The answer is Corky Romano. And I have to tell you, it wasn't that bad of a movie. A bad movie certainly, but not a horrible movie. Okay, it was horrible. But not horrible horrible. Not enjoyably horrible. And I guess that's why it got on the list.

The time of the week when I rank things . . . poorly

I’m feeling too lazy to rank things today, so instead I’m going to cluster them. So in no particular order:

British shows I Love
1. Monty Python’s Flying Circus – the best example of smart people acting silly.
2. The Mighty Boosh – the ridiculous plots and musical numbers are fun, but my favorite thing is just listening to Howard and Vince banter.
3. The IT Crowd – fantastic cast (many from Mighty Boosh).
4. Coupling – the dirty(er) friends. Only much funnier.
5. Green Wing – the dirty(er) Scrubs. Admittedly, not quite as funny. But still, pretty hilarious.
6. Blackadder – I thought Rowan WAS Mr. Bean until I saw this. With the fantastic meanness that spews forth from his mouth, it’s a shame to keep him quiet.
7. The Office – I like the American office, but it just can’t compete with the humor and, dare I say, art of the British version.
8. Skins – I’m not much for soap operas, but this one is the perfect balance of angst and humor.
9. Doctor Who – my current go-to show. It’s good times all around.
10. Torchwood – Season 1 wouldn’t qualify as a show I love, but Season 2 has been much better. And I hear Season 3 is absolutely fabulous. (Which is another British show, if it sounded odd.)

British shows I Like
1. Mr. Bean - It’s really amazing how much I can like a comedy that removes my favorite part of comedy, the dialogue.
2. Wallace and Gromit – not a show exactly, but there’s enough of them that I’ll count it as a series.
3. My Hero – It’s basically Superman crossed with Amelia Bedelia, but that Ardal O’Hanlon is just likable enough to make it work.
4. Whose Line is it Anyway? – Yes the American version was lackluster. But the British one never disappoints.
5. Spaced – I was hoping to love it, but only liked it. Oh well.
6. Extras – This might have made the Love It category if I’d seen more episodes.
7. Jeeves and Wooster – more amusing than funny, but pretty amusing.
8. The Thin Blue Line – Blackadder light.
9. Absolutely Fabulous – Comedy Central didn’t provide a lot of British comedy in my youth, but I enjoyed this one. Mean people are funny.
10. The Young Ones – I can remember practically nothing about this show, apart from liking it. I think it’s what I watched waiting for Space Ghost to come on.

British Shows I May Love, But Haven’t Seen Yet, So You Should Let Me Borrow Them If You Have Them
1. Fawlty Towers – I know, blasphemy against the great John Cleese. I’ll get around to it one day.
2. A Bit of Fry and Laurie – I love Stephen Fry and I love Hugh Laurie, so this should be a homerun.
3. The Thick of It – In the Loop was hilarious, and I hope this will deliver as well.
4. Life on Mars – I actually have it, and will get around to it eventually. I purposefully skipped the US version so I’d get it undiluted.
5. Black Books – I have almost no background on this one, I just heard it was good.
6. Da Ali G – Cohen has proved himself worthy.
7. The Prisoner – Supposed to be amazing. Hopefully I can withstand the 60sness.
8. The Dead Set – British zombies! Worked for 28 Days Later and Shaun of the Dead.
9. Snuff Box – Mighty Boosh alumni, so worth a viewing.
10. Father Ted – It’s got Ardal O’Hanlon, so again, worth a viewing.

Thanks BBC!