Friday, January 02, 2009

The Sexy Chris Project : Aesthetics

Thanks to everyone who contributed to The Sexy Chris Project. Except for the Spaniard, who told me sexy people have an X factor. Helpful. But to be fair, she wasn’t the least helpful contributor. Another writer offered this:

Lose the penis. Seriously impeding your dateability. I can deal with the sideburns, but, seriously, lose the man-bits.

I can only assume this is from a fellow male, or else one of my many lesbian readers. I also got some contributions from teenage girls:

Oh, and this look is in,¤t=pic.jpg

So apart from becoming a vampire, mutant or Ken doll, I did get some good pointers. In the end I had 38 contributors, which surpassed my arbitrary goal of 30. I know that I’m prone to writing overly long posts (odd since I’m prone to speaking very succinctly) so decided to break my report up into bite-size chunks. I’ll start with the easy stuff today, the purely physical recommendations.

The Hair Up There

No suggestions on bodyhair. Evidently mine is ideal. I did have one suggestion about plucking and shaping eyebrows, but the writer then went on to say that as long as I didn’t have a unibrow I was golden. I don’t, so I guess I’m set.
Facial hair came up a number of times, with suggestions such as this:

While girls will giggle and give you some attention for strange facial or head hair, they don't actually want to get too close to it (not that you have had weird hair for a while now).

Excluding Halloween, I think that the last time I had unusual facial hair was in 2005. And I was in China, so really camping rules applied. But this is certainly a valid point, and I think most guys (myself included) realize that crazy facial hair is really only fun in the short term.

Now the head hair brought up more issues. It’s worth noting here that with most every issue I received conflicting advice. Not surprisingly, preferences varied considerably. I received a number of compliments on my hair, but general consensus was certainly that shorter is better. There were other suggestions (use more hair gel, try a lighter color etc) but shorter was the only theme. I didn’t get any suggestions for a new short hairstyle, only that I keep my current style short. I have been known to let it grow for several months, resulting in “your crazy hair” “your fro” and best of all “your weird hair” which is evidently not popular. I always thought of it fondly as my Beethoven hair, but clearly Beethoven was not a sexy man.

Wardrobe Malfunction

I got one comment about my pants - Your pants are usually too tight or too high or in some other way unflattering on your body – But otherwise no complaints. Unfortunately I believe it to be my hips that are unflattering to my body, but I’ll look into it. I also received one recommendation to start wearing an eye patch, which I strongly suspect came from David Bowie (who reads my blog regularly.) Otherwise, the brunt of this advice fell on my shirts.

You look really good when you suit up:) when you wear a tshirt is looks kind of frumpy. Maybe that's what you're going for. the unkept/messy look.

Unkempt is not the word I would go for. Casual certainly sounds better. I try to have nice clothes, without veering too far into preppy or metro. Frumpy and sexy so rarely occur simultaneously.

You could change your wardrobe a bit. While your t-shirts are funny, a lot of girls don't want to date a guy who wears t-shirts. Especially when he is 26 and half way through med school. Wearing a button up shirt over the t-shirt doesn't count. You've liked several girls that have pretty good fashion sense. Girls who have good taste usually look for guys who dress well. I'm not saying you have to look preppy, nor do you have to spend a lot of money. Maybe a few button up shirts (casual), a sweater or two. Maybe even a nicer coat. I know you like to have your own style, but you can have your own style and still dress well.

I’m not sure why wearing a button-up over a t-shirt doesn’t count, but I suspect the writer means leaving the shirt open, which is indeed a less formal look. I was much more into the button-up shirt several years ago and have moved away from it a bit, which is probably a mistake, and can be rectified. I do however think it’s a harder balance to make than the writer realizes. I do tend to like girls with good fashion sense. However, they’re normally of the urban/indie persuasion, which goes along with t-shirts. I think it’s a little odd for me to be wearing a dress shirt and khakis if she’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans, no matter how fashionable those t-shirt and jeans may be. I’m not arguing with your advice non-mystery-writer, I’m just saying that men’s fashion is not entirely as easy as girls often think it to be. Having fewer clothing options make things easier in some ways, but harder in others.

As for sweaters, I have a variety, and wear them. I don’t however have a good concept as to whether they’re nice sweaters. I give anyone free reign to walk up to me and tell me my sweater is ugly. Coats, well, I hate coats. That’s probably not going to happen.

Here’s another bit of advice, covering some of the same points:

As far as dress, girls like guys that wear collar shirts and not t-shirts. Sneakers are fine, but mainly for the gym. You can't expect to like a girl that puts a ton into her appearance, but yet you do nothing to enhance yours. Wear nice jeans and a collar shirt once in a while. Also khaki's always look nice also. Wear nice shoes as well. Care about your appearance. If you want girls to care, you can only do the same. I could pick out specific clothing that I would like to just burn, but I will be nice instead.

I’m kind of sad to say that I have 10 pairs of shoes, only 1 of which I consider sneakers. As with my sweaters (and really anything I wear) I give everyone a free pass at telling me my shoes are ugly. To me all shoes are ugly, so it’s pretty challenging to pick nice ones. I won’t necessarily let you burn them, but if you tell me something I wear is ugly I’ll certainly wear it less often. Unless you’re wearing Uggs, then your advice will be ignored. Unless I’m wearing Uggs, in which case I give you permission to hit me.

What Not to Wear

Some writers didn’t bother telling me what to wear or not to wear. They simply advised me to leave it to the experts.

Our advice, and remember you asked for it, is to take someone of the gentler sex shopping with you. (No gay guys allowed!) We are pleading for you to take THEIR advice. Don't look at something they pick out and get offended because it might be something you are not use to. Don't be afraid to try new things--but not pleated-front khaki's, stay far away from those.

I’m not sure why I’d be offended by that suggestion, since I’ve done that many times before. And why would I prefer to go shopping alone, when I can go shopping with a girl? Doesn’t that make most every activity better? Though the problems inherent in my current wardrobe may be due to poor choice in shopping advisors in the past.

I think you also if you want to change your clothing appearance, you need to find a girl that you can handle being with for a couple of hours and who you value her opinion to take you shopping. I am sure you could find someone that could help you with this tasks.

People with good taste who will accompany me for several hours is indeed a challenge. Unfortunately to snag such a girl I may have to be sexy. Such a cruel spiral.

That’s it for today. Feel free to add additional commentary to this advice, anonymous or otherwise. Tomorrow (or the next day if I’m lazy) we’ll move on to more challenging advice about changing behavior (like being less lazy.)

1 comment:

ESO said...

I don't know if this is an acceptable explanation for you, but generally speaking, your female counterparts will spend more time and money on their clothes than you will, even if the end result looks to you like a t-shirt and jeans. There is, of course, the hair and make-up. Then the relatively more expensive clothing that is in style for a shorter period of time (compared to men's fashions). So, I think you should take the advice given and cut back on the funny t-shirts. Also, I know you have a problem with jackets, but what about a casual, goes-with everything sports coat? That would help you get away with more t-shirts. But I do think you should move on to collars.

I don't know about other girls, specifically the kind you would like, but I don't have much interest in man-boys. If your hobbies (video games/movies), profession (student), and attire (t-shirts and jeans) have not changed since high school, then it is hard to see you as adult/boyfriend/husband/professional material.

I will congratulate you on not being a baseball cap kind of guy--another juvenile trap many men fall into.

Looking forward to reading future installments....