Celebrity Analogues

I don't really care about celebrities. This may surprise some people. The only magazine I pay for is Entertainment Weekly, which isn't exactly the Economist. There's rarely anything "important" in Entertainment Weekly, just entertainment. Surprising huh? I see a lot of movies, I listen to a lot of music, I watch a fair amount of tv, and I generally like to know what's going on in a wide variety of entertainment fields. But the celebrities themselves? They're just people. Do I care if the guy that lives down the street is dating the lady from the grocery store? No, I don't, in case you're wondering. So why should I care if a country music star divorces his model/producer girlfriend? I don't. That wasn't a reference to actual events (nor was the grocery store lady thing) so don't strain yourself trying to figure it out. The only thing I care about is that they get their product out there. Adopt a kid from Lithuania if you want, but don't let it delay the release of your next album.

So it's strange that I constantly compare people to celebrities. Last week I did a physical on a guy that looked just like Jeffrey Tambor minus 20 years. Yesterday I had a lecture from a guy that looked like the lovechild of Demetri Martin and Jason Schwartzman. That's just how I see people.

Sadly, I have no celebrity analogue. It's not that celebrities are usually gorgeous, and I want to be gorgeous. I just think it would be nice to have that convenient reference. "Which one is Chris? He's the one that looks like a brun Phillip Seymour Hoffman." Brun, incidentally, is the male equivalent to brunette. And PSH may already have brown hair, but he's blonde in my head.

The only person I've ever been told I look like is Ben Folds:




I think it's just the hair. We do seem to have similar hair. I've also been told that I remind people of Paul F Tompkins.




If you know a celebrity that looks like me, let me know. Otherwise I'll be forced to become famous on my own so people can compare themselves to me.