Sunday, September 13, 2009

Glad you read my blog, not Kanye's

I don’t watch the MTV VMAs. Apart from the Breakthrough Video category, I don’t care about anyone that was nominated in any category. Well, apart from Lady Gaga, who did well. And the Beastie Boys, who won an award for Sabotage, and I’m not sure why. But they’re the Beastie Boys, and it’s Sabotage, so they deserve it.

The thing you’ll read about, if you read about anything in the VMAs, which you probably shouldn't, is Kanye West acting like a stunted manchild. I’m not going to bother recapping it, Google it if you hadn’t heard.

I think his “apology” that he posted on his blog is amusing. I bolded the nonapologetic portions for emphasis.

““I’m sooooo sorry to taylor swift and her fans and her mom. I spoke to her mother right after and she said the same thing my mother would’ve said. She is very talented! I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she’s in the bleachers! …………………… i’m in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment!……………. beyonce’s video was the best of this decade! I’m sorry to my fans if I let you guys down! I’m sorry to my friends at mtv. I will apologize to taylor 2mrw. welcome to the real world! everybody wanna booooo me but i’m a fan of real pop culture! No disrespect but we watchin’ the show at the crib right now cause … well you know! i’m still happy for taylor! Boooyaaawwww! you are very very talented! I gave my awards to outkast when they deserved it over me… that’s what it is!! i’m not crazy yall, i’m just real. Sorry for that! I really feel bad for taylor and i’m sincerely sorry! Much respect!!”

This is an apology Kanye? Go back to school my friend. You can’t apologize, immediately followed by, BUT I WAS RIGHT. You can’t take it upon yourself to introduce “the real world” of you being a lowlife to teenage girls. You can’t “subtly” suggest that she should give Beyonce the award.

I considered going through and highlighting the things that make Kanye sound brain dead, but really, it’s most everything. In his defense, he was incredibly drunk when he wrote it. Don’t blog drunk.

Lest you be confused, I don’t care about Taylor Swift. In the slightest. There are 100 bands or so I’d give a VMA before her. 1000s of bands if we’re giving out awards for videos as old as Sabotage. I just have a zero tolerance policy for celebrities acting like morons.

Look, we shower you with money and attention because you can do something moderately well. Your job? Don’t be an A hole. That’s it. Steal a microphone from a 19 year old on stage to promote a video you like better? You don’t get to be famous anymore. Suckerpunch a guy because he beat you at football? You shouldn’t get paid to play football anymore. Scream at a line judge because you're not as perfect as you thought? Sit in the corner for a while.

Were I King of the World, Kanye would never get paid to rap again. He can do whatever else he wanted, but I’d revoke his celebrity card. Easy come, easy go Kanye. Now be gone.



esodhiambo said...

King, huh?

If I made my living as a wordsmith, I would have to retire based on the apology's poor punctuation alone.

Kanye: the Ted Kennedy of hip hop.

Uh...well...I guess he has a lot of competition for that.

Oh well.

anna. said...

you always say things i want to say. but better. and before i get the chance to.

that makes me jealous.

g*na said...

You know Chris, I agree. Not because I want to agree with you particularly, but admit that yes, there are morons and they get paid for it.
I'm so smart! Why don't they pay me to teach morons how to act?! Maybe there's something that happens when one reaches stardom... their brains fall out when they start talking...
Glad I'm not famous!