ODB

I’m getting old.

Last week I dislocated my jaw eating pita bread. PITA BREAD. Dislocated isn’t really accurate, but I popped it out of the socket for a couple days, which was uncomfortable.

I can no longer drink soda first thing in the morning. Admittedly, I don’t need to drink soda first thing in the morning. And I have rarely tried to. But now when I wake up, “hop” out of bed and drink the Diet Dr. Pepper on my desk, it upsets my stomach. I’m practically disabled.

I’ve been tired lately. I’m guessing the 4-6 hours of sleep a night have more to do with it than old age. Since 8 hour nights don’t seem to be in my future, I tried FRS. For months I’ve seen these ads, primarily on CNN. Maybe because Lance Armstrong, the FRS spokesperson, has a passing resemblance to Anderson Cooper. Or maybe because FRS promotes the liberal agenda. I don’t know. I just know it was 6 dollars for a month’s worth of drink, which is easily within my Dr. Pepper budget.

Turns out, not surprisingly, that it doesn’t work. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work for anybody, just that it didn’t heal the ravishes of my old age. And since the next month would cost 65 dollars, which is outside of even my drink budget, I called to cancel. “Oh No!” says the salesperson. “Don’t quit! Here’s another month free!” So I got another month worth of drink that doesn’t really work, but tastes ok, so whatever. So I called to cancel again a month later, and after giving me a hard time (“Are you sure you’re using it right?”) they cancelled my subscription. Only, then a box shows up in the mail with another month’s worth. So I get to call again, only this time the lady doesn’t accuse me of not knowing how to drink. And I can’t return the product but she will give me 90% discount on it. So if you feel like trying some FRS, you can get 3 months worth for 12 dollars and some aggravation. It just won’t make you less tired.