ODB

I’m getting old.

Last week I dislocated my jaw eating pita bread. PITA BREAD. Dislocated isn’t really accurate, but I popped it out of the socket for a couple days, which was uncomfortable.

I can no longer drink soda first thing in the morning. Admittedly, I don’t need to drink soda first thing in the morning. And I have rarely tried to. But now when I wake up, “hop” out of bed and drink the Diet Dr. Pepper on my desk, it upsets my stomach. I’m practically disabled.

I’ve been tired lately. I’m guessing the 4-6 hours of sleep a night have more to do with it than old age. Since 8 hour nights don’t seem to be in my future, I tried FRS. For months I’ve seen these ads, primarily on CNN. Maybe because Lance Armstrong, the FRS spokesperson, has a passing resemblance to Anderson Cooper. Or maybe because FRS promotes the liberal agenda. I don’t know. I just know it was 6 dollars for a month’s worth of drink, which is easily within my Dr. Pepper budget.

Turns out, not surprisingly, that it doesn’t work. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work for anybody, just that it didn’t heal the ravishes of my old age. And since the next month would cost 65 dollars, which is outside of even my drink budget, I called to cancel. “Oh No!” says the salesperson. “Don’t quit! Here’s another month free!” So I got another month worth of drink that doesn’t really work, but tastes ok, so whatever. So I called to cancel again a month later, and after giving me a hard time (“Are you sure you’re using it right?”) they cancelled my subscription. Only, then a box shows up in the mail with another month’s worth. So I get to call again, only this time the lady doesn’t accuse me of not knowing how to drink. And I can’t return the product but she will give me 90% discount on it. So if you feel like trying some FRS, you can get 3 months worth for 12 dollars and some aggravation. It just won’t make you less tired.

Celebrity Analogues 2

Last week I got compared to 3 celebrities.

Number 1 doesn't really count, in that it was someone reading my blog and they said I really did look like Ben Folds. So . . . there's that.



Number 2 was Paul Rudd. I don't think I look like Paul Rudd, I think we're just similarly snide.




But seeing as he gets to hang out with Jason Segel



And pretend to marry Rashida Jones



So, I could definitely emulate Paul more.

Number 3 is Joshua Jackson, currently from Fringe. I'm about 6 months behind on my Fringe, but last time I checked he was pretty entertaining. I guess we're similarly droll.





So that's it for this week. Let me know if someone describes a celebrity in terms of Chris next week. That's the goal.

Editing fool

I made this, so I'm going to post it. Enjoy it. Or don't; it's about a bunch of people you probably don't know. But the editing is pretty sweet.

UptoDate

Another commercial I made for Niteout. Peds exam tomorrow, so no time for further commentary.

That guy

I have black sheets.

I'm not entirely sure there is any stereotype associated with black sheets, but I kind of feel like they fall into the same category as having a mirror on your ceiling, or having a heart shaped bed.

I justify my black sheets with the following justifications:

1. They cost 5 dollars less than the white sheets.
2. They are made from Jersey Knit, which the box accurately, if simplistically, described as "feels like t-shirt material." I now get to add my bed to my t-shirt collection.
3. I don't care what people think.

The best reason of course is the fact that my sheets were mysteriously slashed some time ago. I fixed this in the manliest manner possible: duct tape. Ridiculous? Yes. Effective? Yes. In fact I even washed my sheets, with them duct taped together, and the tape survived the washing process. Amazing. But eventually I decided it was time to replace my slashed/taped sheets. I had no intention on buying black ones, but I just couldn't argue with the logic.

Because there's no way a heart shaped bed would fit in my room.

medPhone

Fine. I'm done trying to find you people videos you haven't seen.

Unless . . . I make my own.

Haha, you've never seen this video.

Unless you came to Niteout. In which case, screw you. And thanks for donating.

Centraal Station Antwerpen gaat uit zijn dak!

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to keep up with internet phenomenon lately, so my Happy Clip of the Day from earlier this week of Susan Boyle ended up being The Clip You've Seen Everywhere By Now. My bad. You know I'd never intentionally promote something popular. Here's one that's more obscure. Unless it too is over-exposed, without me being aware. Fingers crossed.

Rapid Reviews

If you thought Monday's post was disjointed (and you’d be right) just check out this one:

One sentence reviews!

Jim Gaffigan: King Baby -- Not quite as funny as his previous comedy special, but the jokes came faster, thus more laughs were attained overall.

Guster in concert -- I haven’t listened to Guster in 10 years, but I could hardly say no to 2 dollar concert tickets, and boy did I get my money’s worth because it was easily worth 3 dollars.

Adventureland -- I like my dramedys 50/50, and this was 80% drama, 20% comedy, so this was lopsided, but enjoyable

Observe and Report -- Dark and hilarious, with some surprisingly deep elements.

Futurama: Wild Green Yonder -- I wish these Futurama movies were better, but on the plus side I do get to watch brand new Futurama.

Better Off Ted -- Even though I’m 2 months behind on my Tivo, this has still been a worthwhile addition.

Parks and Recreation -- I’ve liked Poehler since The Upright Citizen’s Brigade, but the first episode didn’t do much for me; however, it has Rashida Jones so will get at least one more chance to fly.

Pediatrics -- I can handle these babies, but I don’t have to like it.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It’s Blitz -- I’ve never been a huge fan, but I’m liking this new album a lot.

M. Ward Hold Time -- Him of She and Him, and it’s a fun album.

Meet the Eels -- I heard a couple new Eels songs at a dance recital last month and have been jamming to them ever since.

Lily Allen: It’s Not Me It’s You -- Keep trying Lily; your first album was a lot more fun

Kari’s Chris Mix -- A friend made me a ChrisMix for my birthday, which is chock full of stuff that I probably would never have picked out, but have ended up loving.

I Love You, Man -- It’s hard not to like a movie where you like every single actor involved, and indeed I did like this one a lot.

Flight of the Conchords: Season 2 -- The songs are technically better, but not as much fun, making this season good, maybe even great, but not super great.

Wolverine -- Yes I saw the leaked Wolverine movie, so evidently am Satan; Satan must waste a lot of time watching mediocre movies.

Battlestar Galactica Series Finale -- I had an awesome anti-social night of watching 3 hours of Battlestar, and it was probably the best night I had that week.

Last week’s controversial House episode -- I don’t care why the actor did what he did, the episode worked for me on every level.

Obama’s dog -- THIS IS NOT NEWS. IT’S A DOG. GET OFF MY MEDIA YOU STUPID DOG!

Niteout

This weekend is Niteout, and I figured I should promote it a bit.

I'm not performing this year. Sorry. I came up with an awesome lounge singer number. Well, to be accurate I came up with 1/2 of it. And I figured the audience didn't want to hear half a song, no matter how awesome.

But I am in charge of a lot of the AV stuff and served as a writer for a hefty chunk of the sketches, so you may be able to sense my involvement.

In any case, if you're in Columbus, go to Niteout. It's for a good cause. And someone is singing a Flaming Lips song, so that's worth admission alone.

Here's another lady singing. It can be your happy clip of the day:

Susan Boyle

Don't call it a comeback

That may be the first and last time I’ll ever quote LL Cool J.

Do you think LL Cool J gets recognized walking down the street? And if so, does he get recognized for being a rapper, or the army guy from Toys? What do you think it would be like, waking up every morning as LL Cool J? What does a celebrity of that caliber do on a daily basis? I think with wise investing he’d be set for life, but these guys never seem to have wise investing. And most importantly of all, does he actually refer to himself as LL Cool J in his head? If so, kudos to him. If I ever meet him I’m just going to call him Jimmy.

So, I’m pretty much the same I was a month ago. Did you enjoy my April Fools joke? I made a post with no text and no title. I’m sure the only ones that noticed were the ones that use Google Reader, who suddenly had an nonexistent update. Otherwise things are the same around here.

I did have more free time during Lent. But the blog reading was the time saver, not the blog writing. I generally write blog entries in my head during the day and it only takes a few minutes to pound them down when I’m at a computer at night. So that probably saved me 3 hours over the last month. Blog reading is the real time killer. Unfortunately I compensated by reading more Wikipedia/craigslist/CNN articles. And really, I don’t consider myself better educated for it. So, generally speaking, I’m back to square one.

So today’s entry is this: Feaster

I threw a party yesterday. I’m extremely ambivalent about such things these days. I threw an excellent Bacon a couple weeks back, and I think it gave me false expectations. The combination of eating bacon wrapped water chestnuts and watching Jim Gaffigan was just too enjoyable, and made me think I needed to throw more such events. So I threw another yesterday, primarily because I liked the wordplay of having a feast on Easter and calling it Feaster. Wordplay is never a reason to throw a party folks.

Lest people who were there be offended, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the gathering. We gathered, we had Easter dinner, I liked a high percentage of the people in attendance. Success, more or less. I just didn’t need a party. I’ve discovered that I like the clique.

In high school I was still parting my hair, so obviously I wasn’t very popular. I actually don’t remember what I was doing with my hair, nor do I have any pictures, so if you knew me then let me know. In any case I was popular enough to get invited to things. And I prided myself in being in the center of a venn diagram. I could hang with the church people, the hyper-nerds, the cool nerds, and the punks. Each social circle had some overlap with another, but they were all different groups. And I liked that. I liked that could hang out with one group, then another, and never feel restricted to one group of people.

Now (and I realize there’s a 9 year gap between then and now) I don’t value that as much. Sure, variety is nice, but I guess I don’t value the versatility quite as much as I once did.

If I wanted to be part of a lot of circles, Feaster would’ve been great. There were a lot of people, from a lot of different circles. And like I said, they were quality folks. And I had fun. But I’ve had a lot more fun with just a car load of people. Maybe that’s the line these days. If there are more people than can fit in a car, people can be cut.

That sounds mean.

It sounds like me.




Until I decide I want to have a BBQ on top of a parking garage. Which I want to have. Then I’ll end up inviting tons of people again.

Here's some Jim to make you forget that I'm a jerk:

Bacon
Bologna
Waffle House