Maintaining islands

I’m exceedingly bad at meeting people. Really it’s a wonder that I know anyone at all. Like most things in life, this impairment is multifactorial. Factors include:

I don’t remember names well.

I don’t remember faces well.

I have horrible eye contact.

More than not remembering faces, I Just don’t remember any of the common descriptors. I can’t tell you if a person’s hair color, eye color, height, ethnicity, anything. I can generally tell you whether I found them attractive and whether they shop at Old Navy.

When I go to a party, I always spend all my time talking to people I already know but don’t see often.

When I do meet someone new, I don’t instinctively tell them my name, or ask for theirs.

When people tell me their names, I don’t like storing that information until I’ve determined if they’re interesting or not. Then it’s rude to ask again later.

I prefer my own company over that of most others, so it’s hard to motivate myself to meet new people when the odds are against them.

I don’t drink.

I’m a visual learner, so nametags are enormously helpful. Except when nametags are involved I don’t store the information because somehow I think their names will always be available on their chests.

Favorite topics of small talk include: nothing than people normally talk smally concerning.

I don’t naturally say hello; I jump to what I consider to be the matter at hand.

I have a beard.

I’m biased, but I think I’m an excellent person to know. I’m just horrible to meet.