A good deal of the time I’m participating in a health program, at least ostensibly. Whether or not I’m following through with the program is another matter. Back last summer I was on the Bike n’ Hike Program. It was a pretty successful one. It turns out that I don’t like hiking and it’s a highly inconvenient path towards fitness, but I needed something that rhymed with Biking. In the fall I was in the Granola Bars Aren’t That Bad Program, which didn’t work out so well. During pediatrics I was in the What’s The Point of Prolonging My Life Through Exercise When I Have To Do Pediatrics Program, which was successful, in one manner of speaking.
Last week I decided to start a new program. My fitness guru: Conan O’Brien. I actually haven’t caught any of his new show, due to Surgery sucking my will to live, but if there’s anyone I trust with my wellbeing it’s Conan. I recently read his stirring endorsement of the Perfect Pushup, and decided to jump on board the infomercial bandwagon. Surgery has sucked away my free time so I couldn’t get to the gym if I wanted to. Likewise, biking isn’t feasible at this time. But I can handle 10 minutes a day. Plus I’m reasonably sure my pushups aren’t perfect. So 15 dollars later, I started the Perfect Pushup Program.
Most of our health initiatives fail because there’s no accountability. Some fail because they're inherently flawed, like my granola bar program, but most fail because our motivation dries up. That’s why people get personal trainers. It’s someone’s job to bug them when they don’t do what they agreed to do. And why don’t the Biggest Loser people fail miserably at their health goals when so many of us do? Because they’ve got thousands of people holding them accountable.
So feel free to bother me about my Perfect Pushup Program. Seeing as I’m not giving myself goals relating to number of reps or muscle mass, or emanating sexiness, it should be reasonably easy to determine whether I have been using my 15 dollars of equipment or if I haven’t.
I'll hope to look like the first model, but will settle for the second.