Thursday, December 11, 2008

Living in the Project

The Sexy Chris Project: Phase 1 is half over. I'd expect that most people that are going to contribute have contributed (evidently some girls were very eager to tell me how to change very quickly) but I'm collecting responses for the next couple weeks. Then over Christmas break I'll compile my data into some kind of a report. I'm sure some meta-analysis and fancy binding will be involved.

The results have been very interesting. Unfortunately I love playing detective and am pretty good at recognizing writing styles, so anonymity has been compromised to some extent. But I'm trying to be good and consider the advice without deciphering the writer.

Some responses have been very specific, others very general. Some are very much catered to my deficits, others seem to be blanket statements for men in general. Some writers end up talking about themselves for a good portion of the email. Focus people! This is about me. One writer challenged me to post theirs, and I found it especially entertaining, so I'll oblige.

You are very insecure and have attachment issues. Possibly from childhood most things are. You are extremely vulnerable and emotional therefore you do your level best to hide this from the world and paint yourself as an unsmiling jerk. You are afraid to get close to people and you set unrealistic expectations on the people you want to date because they don't want to date you - so you are engaging in a bit of self sabotage on purpose.

You try if you can help it not to indulge your emotions in any meaningful way however you pick up on everyone and everything and you know what people may be thinking about you because you consciously choose to have them think that way by your words and your deeds.

You don't like men and you don't like to be challenged by men because you're afraid you'll fail. You and your father's relationship was a disaster and you had zero modeling from him. Therefore the job was left up to your mom who you didn't entirely trust could meet your needs either.

So what did you do? You went it alone. You still feel alone. You still feel like no one does or ever will understand you. There is a good reason for that. Because you will not let people in on that level. You've never divulged most of this to anyone so they are educated guesses. But I know I'm right.

Share this on your blog if you dare. I doubt you will however.

Well, we've got proof that you were wrong about one thing at least: I did post it on my blog. Looks like you don't know me very well.

Others have been, shall we say, softer.

first of all, no probs who you share this with. Second of all-- I've called ALL my best-every guy friends before and had them hit me with it.... (and tell me why I wasn't sexy) so I know EXACTLY how you feel. My only advice is be happy. Simply put, be happy just how you are- single, and totally the most fun guy ever.. Oh, and what made me fall in love w/ my husband was the fact that he played NO (that means ZERO) games. He was terrified to ask me out but he did anyway. He was TERRIFIED to kiss me but he did anyway... the hard way... on a doorstep, when it was still kind of light outside! But it was all very real and very sincere. Not afraid to be a dork... and totally HAPPY in his own skin. :0) You do have a bit of the tortured poet in you-- (which you should never change!) but maybe make it the "tortured poet who is totally comfortable just how he is and know's he's a catch... and that any girl who won't go out with him is destined to a tortured life without a tortured poet. :0)

You're radness... .so never think anything's wrong with you. The Hus and I both agree that providence was ABSOLUTELY involved in getting us together-- and it was just the right time for both of us.. so take a deep breath, and relax, and just keep believing in love and mush-- and know it will hit you when it hits you. Otherwise go about your life and enjoy every moment! :0) And dare yourself to hit on girls, and double dog dare yoruself to say things you would never normally say. :0) And terrify yourself by trying to kiss girls you would never try to kiss... and laugh about it when it goes wrong. :0) like "oops. I guess I won't do that again."

So here's to the misery of being single, where you lose your stomache over and over again on the crazy rides.... and to the misery of being married where it's just a long, twilight walk down a dirt path that never ends. :0) The trick is to try and love them both. :0)


I mostly posted that one because I like being called a tortured poet. Though, as some advice for you single guys out there: I've found that poems aren't very effective honey. Maybe mine just weren't any good. The last one I wrote was about pyruvate.

I know who both writers are, and consider one of them a friend who knows me well. I'll leave you to guess which is which.

Anyway, if you're going to submit to The Project, try to get it in before Christmas. I'll still read it afterwards, but you won't get your own footnote in the report.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

$1200.00 for the psych eval. And you're welcome :)
I feel I must respond to the comments concerning those you consider your friends and/or those you consider to know you fairly well.
First of all, no one knows you fairly well because you don't really know yourself. Hence the project.
Second, your so-called friends will not always if ever tell you what's best for you. Because either they don't want to hurt your feelings or they are blinded by a biased point of view.
If you are truly committed to your undertaking as I assume you are, you taking comfort and pointing out that certain "softer" posts are from friends that you consider to know you fairly well, seems awfully counter-productive if your genuine goal is to change. Put another way, knowing you need to implement change and seeking out ways to actively do that, why would taking stock in any post blowing you kisses and telling you not to change a thing and essentially to go romp in field of happy daisies be of any guidance? Perhaps it's not about guidance for you as much as it is maybe to your hurt pride.
Last thing, contrary to what you may be feeling right now (either defeated or attacked) people offer such advice when solicited because largely it is solicited-so let us not forget the most important thing of all- this is what you asked for in the first place in a not so conventional way I might add. So you really should be thanking all those that are being honest with you because we didn't have to be. So, perhaps we could lose the hostility raging underneath the surface of your post? Where? What rage? It's childishly obvious, sorry.