Saturday, December 20, 2008


Stormcloud and I were supposed to go out the other night. I wanted to go get my lobster before the holidays kicked in. You know, when everyone else gets their lobster. So she kindly obliged and I headed over to her house.

The trek to her place was hazardous, fraught with icy roads, adult bookstores (turns out there are 2 between our homes) and people who don't know how to drive on icy roads or past adult bookstores. A minute from her house I get a call. "Hey . . . so . . . some of my family just stopped by and want to go to dinner. Do you want to come with us?"

Ladies, FYI, it's really annoying when you invite people along on a date. It doesn't matter what the circumstances, it's annoying. It dedatifies the evening. We'd paired off, I'd planned something and unless the lobster ended up being free, was going to pay for it. Maybe lobster is free, I don't know, since I didn't get any. Point being, I'd done everything within my power to make it a date, and she dedated it.

Did she do it intentionally? Probably not. Though, doing it intentionally sure is a way to send a hint. Problem being, when you do it unintentionally, the guy may still take it as a hint. Were there extenuating circumstances? Kind of. Certainly, this was her last chance to do something with family members, which generally trump friends/prospects, and that makes it less egregious. Did it ruin the evening? No, her family ended up being pretty enjoyable. It was definitely the first time I heard a married woman make a scrotum joke. And I appreciated that opportunity. But the fact remains, she dedated me. And I didn't get my lobster.

Ladies, be cognizant of your dedating. Use it as a way out of an awkward situation if you must, but please be aware what you're doing. Saying no to a guy is less annoying that hijacking the date away from him. Inviting your friends, even mutual friends, may seem fine to you, but be aware that you're dedating. Unless you've gone out, I'll arbitrarily pick 5 times, you can't invite people without it being an affront. And it matters who you invite. Family can be intimidating (Oh no, I'm prematurely meeting the family!) but are less offensive. Girls can be annoying (because girls can be annoying) but can be invited sooner. Guys are just out of the picture until things are pretty firmly established. It doesn't matter how long you've been friends or how shortly he'll be in town or how much he's into other guys, you're still dedating by bringing him.

Dedating. Use it with caution.


Amy-Alisa said...

Sorry about the lobster, that is sad. Not that I have ever nor will ever feel the need to try it, I'm sure dad will go with you, although that makes some smooching out of the question. I was the unknowing dedating tool once. I was invited by a strictly "just friend" to go to the batting cages. It was implied that it was a group, no big deal. Well, we picked up a girl on the way, and that ended up being the group. This girl very clearly thought it was going to be a date and did not appreciate my presence. I too, did not appreciate being the tool to un-date the date. I don't think it was a fun outing for anyone. Yes, being honest from the start is the best way to go.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I did dedate you. And I knew I was doing it. Not in a negative way. And it was still a semi-date. It was all couples. Plus a small child and a baby. And it's not like you were "meeting the fam", the only people that share blood with me there were my sister and her children. Besides, you'd already met them.

Anyways, I'm glad a was a blow to your ego.

And hopefully we can go on more dates. And hopefully some can turn into de-dates. Just because I know you don't like it.

Yours truly,