STOOD: The Entertainer

Of the sites I’m on, eHarmony seems the least helpful. Its main criteria for my matches seems to be that the person mentions God multiple times in their profile. I’ve tried adjusting all kinds of settings but that’s still the only common denominator.

One morning I get a message from a girl on eHarmony, saying that I look like a religious man and that’s what she’s looking for. I open her profile and it turns out that she’s very attractive. She has cheek piercings and kind of crazy makeup, but attractive. Who am I not to chat with a beautiful woman that has taken the initiative? I respond in some way, relatively briefly as I’m at work and just entering text on my phone.

Minutes later I get a lengthy response. Then another. Then another. Amongst the messages is the unfortunate news that her apartment complex had a fire last night and she needs a place to stay. She’s either looking for a bed or couch to crash on, or someone to pay for a week at an extended stay hotel until she can get things figured out. To complicate things she can’t talk to some of her friends or family because she’s in hiding from her ex-fiance that tried to kill her and she is on seizure medication that sometimes makes her confused.

Now I have the dilemma of an attractive girl, taking the initiative, but only to ask for money. One who dates men who try to kill her. Who wears crazy makeup who writes long somewhat jumbled emails and takes medications that are also often used for bipolar disorder. Whose job title is listed as “Entertainer” which seems like it might be eHarmony’s closest match for various sex related professions.

I’m curious, and clearly desperate as I’m online dating. So I do a bit of research. It turns out that an apartment complex in Phoenix did suffer extensive fire damage the night before. She had also given me the name of her boyfriend and he does show up as having been arrested for assault. So it seemed less likely that she’s a con artist, and more likely that she’s just an unstable person soliciting help.

Whether or not I could have helped we’ll never know as she never responded to my second message. I hope that she conned/convinced someone else to help her and didn’t end up in a hospital or prison or back home to her unsupportive family in South Dakota (I got a lot of info in those first flurry of messages.) She still has an eHarmony account though, so it looks like she hasn’t found the one.