Thursday, August 22, 2013

Grand Theft Auto

I have an irrational fear of the police. I will sometimes change my route to my destination to avoid driving along a police officer. I never want to pass them or even stay in their range of vision for too long. I haven't done anything, but it seems like they could always find something wrong if they wanted to. So I considered turning off my normal route home when I'd noticed the police car driving behind me, but in the end decided my fear was in fact irrational and the shortest route home was the best.

Of course that's when the lights started flashing.

I don't know about you, but when I get pulled over I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Did I pull over too close to that stop sign? Should I leave my seatbelt on to prove I was wearing it, or should I take it off so I can rummage about and find my registration, insurance etc? Should I say Sir or does that seem sycophantic? Should I see if I'm capable of crying without a decade or so of experience?

I noticed this was not typical when another cop pulled up along side me. And when the officer behind me approached with his gun in hand. Strangely they didn't ask me for my license THE ENTIRE TIME. That's weird. They did ask me to put my hands behind my back and then to sit on the curb. I asked questions periodically, out of interest, concern, and to show that my conscience was clear enough to ask questions about their procedures and whatnot. They didn't seem to like that much so I stopped.

They told me that my car was reported stolen. I asked who had reported it stolen, as I hadn't. They couldn't/wouldn't tell me that.

After asking if I stole the car they asked how much I'd been drinking. That seemed rude to me. At least me IF I'd been drinking. They then asked me where I was driving from, and the answer was Mill Street, which admittedly, where a lot of people drink. In fact that was their next question, what was I doing on Mill, if not drinking. My answer, getting ice cream. Is there a more fake sounding answer then getting ice cream? It's the kind of thing you'd tell Officer Krupke to be a wiseacre. They then asked which ice cream parlor enjoyed my patronage, which seemed entirely impertinent. Of course I couldn't remember the name of the place (who names their ice cream store Slickables?) which I'm sure sounded suspicious.

Also suspicious, the fact that I had to ask a couple times if I could get my pager and cell phone out of the car because I was the doctor on call. They gave me the pager but not the cell phone. Helpful.

Also suspicious, the fact that they couldn't find my registration. I'm 95% sure it's in the car, but they wouldn't let me look, I had to sit on the curb. Getting paged and not being able to answer it.

Also suspicious, I had gotten a parking ticket about 15 minutes before, and it was sitting on the front seat. It's remotely possible that had something to do with getting "caught" at least by karmic coincidence. 

Eventually they determined by some means that my car wasn't stolen, my license plate was. Someone had put their license plate (or more accurately the license plate of a car they stole) on my car. The police wanted to know when's the last time I had my license plate. I don't know, when I got it? Who remembers their license plate number, or checks to make sure it stays the same?

Then they let me go. They told me to go buy a new license plate. I wanted to know if I needed some paperwork or something, both to get a new plate and to explain why I now had no plate, but they said I probably didn't. Probably.  Then the 4 patrol cars drove off.

Arizona, you've taken my bike and my license plate. You must want me to be a pedestrian.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Music Monday

Ok song, good video.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Unexpected Responses

I was showing an empty room in my apartment to a potential renter. He asked what I did and I responded that I was a psychiatrist. His response:

“So why are you single?”

Are psychiatrists in high demand among single women in the church? Why has no one informed me of this? He clarified:

“So you’re a psychiatrist: why are so many Mormons still single?”

I have my views on the subject but I don’t feel like any of them were taught to me in med school.

I’m not saying that beautiful women are lazy, but I’ve noticed it’s not uncommon for very attractive women to put almost zero effort into their dating profiles. They just let their picture speak their thousand words, and let the messages roll in.

I came across a very attractive woman with such a profile and decided to send her a message. These messages are rarely successful (for me at least) because I don’t have much to say since I know almost nothing about them. So I was actually pretty surprised when I quickly got a response:

“You’re a psychiatrist? Want any yeyo or molly?”

Thanks to Miley Cyrus I know that molly is ecstasy and yayo is cocaine.  I responded no thanks, but she never wrote back.

I was going through the drive through at McDonalds (because large Diet Cokes are a dollar and apple pies are delicious) when the employee at the window said this:

“You a chiropractor?” (I was in scrubs)
“Nope, psychiatrist.”
“Should I become a psychiatrist?”
“That depends I guess . . . if you want to be a psychiatrist.”
“I think I do. I just worry about paying for it . . .

This conversation went on for about 5 minutes. He had a lot of questions, and was holding my debit card hostage. Eventually a care pulled up behind me and I was able to extricate myself.

Music Monday

If the youtube comments are to be believed, evidently this band's songs are used in a half dozen commercials. They're fun anyway, even if they're shills.

Monday, August 05, 2013

Saturday, August 03, 2013


It becomes hypnotic. Also makes me miss the old gang.

Friday, August 02, 2013

STOOD - Fauxfiles

Profiles on dating sites are advertisements. Yes, if you put up a picture of Kristen Bell and say you’re a trust fund baby and swimsuit model people would grow suspicious but otherwise people seem pretty comfortable providing false advertising.

I went out with a woman who said she was 32 on her profile. Turns out she’s 39. But people tell her she looks young all the time so she thought she’d put down 32.

I went out with another who said she was single. But it turns out her divorce isn’t final yet, so forget the fact that single and divorced are separate categories, she’s still married.

These are more extreme examples, but I think people pad their dating resumes pretty often. And of course I understand why and can’t really blame them. If everyone’s taking performance enhancing drugs, you have to take some to stay competitive. But for me it’s counterproductive. Often the padding, while meant to be attractive, drives me away.

According to dating profiles most girls:

Are avid sports fans (both watching and playing)
Love hiking and camping
List beer as one of their primary interests (less so on LDS sites)
Love dogs
Love guns
Love running marathons
Love rock and country music

Now, some girls like many of these things. And many girls like some of these things. But I don’t think most girls like most of these things. They aren’t exclusively male traits, but they are things that I think women think men find appealing.  But mostly these aren’t things I’m thrilled about. I like camping every now and again, but it’s not one of my top 100 activities. Guns are fine, but me shooting one is not one of the 10 pictures of myself I’m going to include.

It’s possible that everyone’s being as honest as they can be, and do like these things. It’s even more probable as I’m in Arizona and things like camping, guns and country music are more prominent. But I have a hard time believing so many of the girls online have these interests. And by trying to seem more attractive to certain men they make it less likely that guys (ie me) who may actually share more of their interests actually get interested.

But maybe I just need to start loving dogs.