Monday, September 13, 2010

The Prophet and the Whore

I taught a lesson about Hosea today. As per normal, I didn’t finish the lesson. I believe that I have never finished one of my lessons. I think I should get special permission to continue my lessons through Elders Quorum so I can actually reach the resolution of my thought process. Oh well.

Even more concerning, because I didn’t finish my lesson, I didn’t get to use all my puns, references and plays on words. So here are some of them.

I did get to use my new verse of Follow The Prophet. It goes like this:

Hosea was a prophet, who did everything right,
Even when God said wed a lady of the night.
She cheated on him, ‘cause she was still a ho
God said “This is how I feel, I thought that you should know.”

Thank goodness that didn’t go unsaid. But I did miss my chance to say “No way Hose . . . A.” I had been looking forward to that all week.

I was going to talk about fictitious countries, including Latveria, Elbonia and Genovia. I was going to marry any girl that knew all three.

I was going to see how many people we could name that were hookers with a heart of gold.

I did get to talk about Shawn Spencer and Professor Xavier, but did not get to talk about Todd the Vegan or Sookie Stackhouse.

I did not get to tell the stories about my Elders Quorum president who received inspiration NOT to go on a mission or my branch president who owned a casino.

I had a very timely Jerry Springer joke regarding Hosea’s paternity testing that I didn’t get to use.

We didn’t get to talk about Armageddon, AT ALL!

I had a quip about children being both the negative consequences of our actions and the blessing of our actions.

I considered singing bits of Love and Marriage, All You Need is Love and Roxanne.

I was going to talk about walking a mile in a prophet’s sandals and an adulteress’s hooker boots.

I didn’t get to make an internal citation joke regarding Christ quoting Hosea quoting Christ.

Clearly, I would benefit from getting another hour for my lessons.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Now that's a Sunday School class I would have liked to attend!