Not Ready for Prime Time

I'm sad to say that my 4 year streak of doing Flight of the Conchord songs at talent shows has ended. If I get my act together I may do one just for youtube in the next little bit, but my act is so rarely together. The downfall this year was that I got called to be the Activities chair shortly before the performance, making it problematic at best for me to perform in the show as I would be planning and judging it. But in the end this probably worked out for the best because I was able to do what I do best. My acting is terrible, my directing uninspired, but I can write a good sketch. So rather than expose people to the acting, I stuck with just the ideas. In this case, devising horrible talents to show to accentuate the actual talents on display during the show.

Poor form all around

Haven't posted forever and return with a favor? Poor form indeed.

Can you please reply with:
1. Your favorite funny Youtube clip

and/or

2. Your favorite funny Youtube clip of the last 6 months.

Much obliged.

I'll have a Christoph joint (unrelated to this request) available for you on Sunday if you guys help me out.

The long celebration

Where have I been? Celebrating.

You see, I've reached one of my life goals. I have not thrown up in 10 years. To be completely accurate it's now been 3660 days. I have not vomited since Easter 2002. And being emesis free for such a long period of time has required near constant partying with all manner of noxious foods to show my hubris.

The culprit, as far as I can tell, was either ham or deviled eggs. Both my mission companion and I became horribly ill after Easter dinner that year and spent the hours after dinner throwing up and attempting not to throw up. But since that time I have been free of that horrible retching sensation, and all the happier for it.

My next goal will be to beat Seinfeld's Vomit Free record. It's difficult to say exactly how long this was, but I'll have to give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was from June 29th 1980 to the date the episode aired, Feb 3rd 1984. So that is a total of 4937 days. And since I have heard no one else boasting of this accomplishment, I can only assume the fictitious version of Jerry Seinfeld holds the record. So I need to make it to October 10th 2015. Wish me luck.

Also, happy Easter.

Jerry's Record

Trying things so you don't have to

I am compulsively drawn to ridiculous food. From Double Down sandwiches to Deep Fried Cookie Dough to Bacon Flavored Chocolate, if it’s bizarre or innovative, I want to try it.

Fast food innovation usually just means making an existing junk food even junkier. Like Onion Rings? Take out the vegtable and inject chicken paste (thanks White Castle.) Like Egg McMuffins? Replace the muffin with pancakes with syrup ON THE INSIDE (thanks McDonalds.) Like ice cream? Add bacon and maple syrup to your sundae (thanks Dennys.)

So when I heard Taco Bell was replacing their ever-so-boring taco shell with one made out of Doritos, I was sold. One of my favorite things living in Columbus was that it is a test market for fast food chains, so we’d sometimes get fast food items so ridiculous they never make it national. So when I was in OH back in December I heard about these Doritos Tacos (known as Doritos Locos Tacos, because they’re CRAZY) I went to more than one Taco Bell looking for one. Sadly, I had to wait until yesterday to get one.

The review: almost exactly like a regular taco. The Doritos fake cheese flavor isn’t strong enough to compete with the fake meat and vegetables in the taco. So you get a tiny pre and aftertaste of Doritos, but that’s about it. The much bigger difference is that the shell starts breaking apart as you eat it because the shell thinner and flimsier.

So, try it if you want, but it will not change your life, or even your meal significantly. Maybe if they come out with a Cool Ranch one the story would be different.

State of the Lack of Union

No, not a piece about politics. For some reason I keep checking up on these primaries and healthcare debates and whatnot every day when it just aggravates me. So I’m definitely not going to write about them. Nor am I going to write about being single even though this would be a good title.

The good news is that when I’m not blogging that’s generally a good indication that I’m busy doing things I like. When I’m busy doing things I don’t like I’ll still blog because it’s a great procrastination tactic. And when I’m not busy, well that hasn’t happened in many years. So no blogging recently has been because I have been otherwise occupied.

So an update.

Work – I have finally returned to my good old home, the mental ward. After months of being loaned out to other things that I don’t really want to do (child psych, working at the VA, urgent care) I’ve finally returned to the bread and butter of psych: involuntary inpatient care. Urgent care in particular wreaked havoc upon my schedule with 12 hour shifts far across town where I constantly felt I was about to be punched. But now I very rarely feel like I’m going to get punched, so it’s blue skies. I’ll be doing this until July, when I’ll switch to outpatient care, which I think will be good times. My nemesis, being on call, will be over then, and so I expect to be much more pleasant and rested. Sorry everyone for the last 18 months.

Though I’m getting my AZ medical license in a couple weeks, so I can start working a second job. So I may not actually be more rested. But I will be making more than minimum wage, so that will hopefully counteract my sleep deprivation and make me good company again.

I saw Radiohead last week, which was awesome. I’m seeing Florence and the Machine in a couple weeks, which I suspect will be awesome. Fringe, Mad Men and Game of Thrones are starting up, which should be awesome, albeit in much smaller quantities.

My record collection is expanding. My 20 dollar receiver is entirely inadequate for my needs so I can’t rock out to my Sex Pistols or Best of Bowie vinyl, but we’re making headway.

I threw my first trivia contest a couple months back and am starting to put together questions for my next one. Competing in trivia has been tricky with my schedule and rotating cast of regulars but we’re getting it together.

I am buying myself a video camera this afternoon, and filming of my latest opus will begin in May. Put together your best audition monologues.

All in all, things are pretty good. The lunchlady at work (are they still lunchladies when you’re outside an elementary school?) always tells me “Better times ahead” when I look tired. So every day, that’s just how I look. Hopefully that’s true, but right now isn’t so bad.