Music Monday: Like bands I like

I'm bitter that I won't be seeing Blur at the Olympics. Because evidently my subconscious feels like it's my right to see them at the Olympics.

So in their place, and to partially fill the gulf in my soul left by the suspicion that I will never get to see them in concert, here's Skip the Use. Their lead singer sounds quite a bit like Damon Albarn. But he's French so he's not as good. Also, they're not as good as Blur.



As a bonus, here they are, performing a Blur song, so it's close.

You think therefore it is

I try not to make a habit of contradicting the men and women that God has selected to lead His church. However, Elder Oaks is wrong.

In his famous/infamous 2005 fireside (humorously listed as Dating VERSES Hanging Out on LDS.org, further limiting its credibility) he outlined that a date is 3 things: Planned ahead, Paid for and Paired off. These criteria are of course utter bunk. He mentions in the talk how he got them from an 18 year old. Do you trust anything you hear from an 18 year old? If you’re older than 18 the answer should be no.  If you’re younger than 18 the answer should probably still be no.

Now I’m not going to tell you there is no such thing as truth or reality. But reality may not matter all that much. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet (let’s not get into the fact that Shakespeare may not have existed to even say that.) But if everyone in the world smelled a rose and decided they didn’t like it, it wouldn’t smell sweet. It would smell foul, because everyone agrees that to them, it does not smell sweet.

This isn’t an Emperor’s New Clothes situation. It’s not that the public en masse is agreeing to some lie in order to maintain social order. If everyone legitimately did not like the aroma of the rose, you couldn’t really argue that it smells good when everyone perceives it as not.

My definition of a date goes thusly: a date is when two people do something and consider it a date. Put another way, a date is in the eye of the beholder.

Now I fully understand why Elder Oaks did not give a talk about how reality is subjective and how crucial social processes can either exist or not exist depending on an individual’s thoughts and feelings. I get that. But my definition is the only one that matters.

It doesn’t matter if I plan, pair off and pay for an evening if the girl doesn’t consider it a date. If she doesn’t consider it a date, it wasn’t one. I can’t trick her into going on a date with me. I can’t count it as a date based on a technicality. And I can’t accidentally be on a date because those criteria were met.

And if I have a magical evening with a young lady but it was free, or we had friends with us, or it happened extemporaneously, but despite this the intimacy built from that shared experience brings us closer to romance, it would be ludicrous to disregard it as a date.

If it was a date to you, and it was a date to her, it was a date. Now here’s the rub: it may have been a date to only one of you. And if you discuss whether it was a date you run the risk of ruining it. You’ve violated the blinding of the experiment and the other participant is now being influenced by YOUR thoughts and feelings when their definition should only stem from THEIR thoughts and feelings. So I think it’s best to be avoided. Also it’s lame to ask “Was this a date?”

The trend of hanging out is alive and well seven years later. And I have no evidence of this, but I do suspect my generation of being significantly worse on average in the dating field than previous generations. I blame The Bachelor. But quibbling over what is and what is not a date is not the answer. I’m hardly one to be giving dating advice, as someone well into my menace years, but I’m going to do it anyway. What is/is not a date doesn’t matter. What matters is interactions that help you get to know others in a meaningful way, and help you learn to appreciate them. Even better is if these interactions are intentional, volitional and mutual.

So you could define dating as intentional interactions providing non-superficial information and building appreciation, but I feel that’s less accurate than a date being anything you consider a date. But if you promote those interactions, you’re promoting a breeding ground for, well, breeding. This can be done using dates, but can be done just as well from socializing and activities and discussions outside of “dates.”

But it’s much more basic and practical to give ten commandments than to say be good and hope it turns out ok. So I understand Elder Oaks giving a rough estimation of what would often constitute a date. But I often hear single folk (mostly single lady folk) debate whether an evening was a date. And my answer would be, it was if you want it to be one, and if it was a quality interaction, it doesn’t matter. I often hear single folk (exclusively single lady folk) bemoan their lack of dates. Well, we have a lucky loophole. Because if you can arrange intentional interactions providing non-superficial information and building appreciation, and you can, you don’t need to be asked out.

And when your family ask why you don’t date more, you can confidently state that reality is subjective and in your reality you’re dating up a storm.  

Let's Talk About Talk Shows

A couple things bring the subject to mind. Firstly, Conan appeared as a guest on Letterman this week, and their mutual distaste for Leno was a topic of much discussion. And the Carson/Letterman/Leno affair as well as the more recent Leno/Conan/Fallon changeup are quite interesting, and readily bring comparisons to mind.

Also this week, Craig Ferguson brought his show to Scotland and blew my mind, albeit a tiny corner of my mind. He was doing an interview with Mila Kunis whilst strolling through The Glasgow Necropolis. Later he ate dinner with David Sedaris and Rashida Jones, talking about colostomy bags, karma, ghosts, whatever came to mind. No audience, no laugh tracks, no plugging of upcoming movies. The cameraman just followed Craig around as he talked to celebrities, interspersed with going to tourist sites and visiting his childhood haunts. It didn’t fit my preconception of a talkshow at all, but it was in fact what I’d much prefer talk shows to be.

I’ll now rank and comment on the most popular comedic talk show hosts currently on television and why you should or should not watch them.  As a caveat, I don’t watch any of them regularly. I only watch when they have someone I want to hear from on. And when I do watch I generally only watch that interview, not the monologues or sketches. But with that in mind:

10. Carson Daly

He’s boring. There’s no reason to watch him.

9. Jay Leno

The ratings champ, but his target demographic seems to be the geriatric. But we all know how the old love to vote, so that’s probably why he’s the ratings champ. He does get the biggest stars but he’s just not funny.

8. Chelsea Handler

Generally she is not funny. She has moments here and there, but it’s not worth sifting through the dross. This SNL parody is remarkably accurate. I have no problem with blue humor, Chelsea just forgets to include the humor part. 

7. Bill Maher

Politics are much more aggravating for me than comedic, so Bill’s a hard sell. And the fact that he’s so far to the left further hinders my connection to him. But he is an intelligent person, and is at times quite funny. He is also rather pandering and far far too proud of himself, so if you’re looking for funny liberals on cable John Stewart is a much better bet.

6. Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy has some of the best sketches in late night. And he seems genuinely amiable in his interviews. But I don’t feel like he’s as funny or interesting as those in the top half of this list.

5. Jimmy Fallon

The other Jimmy. What I like about him is he seems legitimately excited about everyone on his show. I also feel like he’s the most hip/current/in-the-know of anyone on the list. And I really appreciate his efforts to be innovative like the games he often plays, and how he uses his sketch and improv background readily.

 

4. David Letterman

When I think of the stereotypic talkshow host, I think Letterman. He gets big stars and while not hilarious, he is certainly funny and what you would call “a character.” And when he wants to know something, he’ll ask, and keep asking until you tell him almost like he sees himself as a journalist. Or maybe just someone that's been around long enough that they get their way. 

3. Graham Norton

I’m sure no one would have expected Graham in the top 3, and most haven’t heard of him. But he’s British so scores major points with me. More importantly he has a great format where he brings out all the night’s guests at once so they can bounce conversation off each other. One of the guests is usually a British comedian so if the other guests are dull Graham can always lean on the comedian and provide entertaining conversation. This format, plus his onstage computer, plus the fact that he’s legitimately funny make for a great chat show. On the downside he is a bit campy for my taste and I don’t like the story chair thing he does most episodes, but it’s still a good watch.

2. Craig Ferguson

Craig does whatever he feels like doing. He has a robot skeleton for a sidekick. He will dedicate a week to Doctor Who even though 95% of his audience has never seen a Doctor Who episode. He’ll make famous people play the harmonica and heap praise on them if they actually know how to. He’s not Letterman or Leno so doesn’t get first pick of guests but because of that will have people like Salman Rushdie on, who honestly is a much better guest than Scarlet Johansson. Craig interviews with an odd stream of consciousness as his only guide. If you say scapegoat he’ll ask if you’ve ever eaten a goat, then if you really think they can eat metal cans, then what your favorite canned food is. It must be a bit nerve wracking for the celebrities but it is entertaining. And most importantly Kristen Bell has been a guest 23 times (likely a couple more by now.)

1. Conan O’Brien

You may have thought Craig would be #1 with all that gushing. But it turns out that his whimsy does reach a saturation point; he is whacky but eventually you see that his bizarre style does go through patterns which repeat over and over. Conan is the complete package. Yes he has his own shtick, mostly revolving around self deprecation with a hint of slapstick. But he changes and evolves and his shtick comes across more as his personality rather than a show. He allows guests to plug whatever it is that they came to plug, but he’ll try to switch things around and make them interesting. His jokes, commentary and sketches tend to be a bit wittier than his competition. Those Harvard guys. I like Craig a lot, but objectively I think Conan puts together a better show. 

Honorable mentions to the best fictional hosts, Larry Sanders and Space Ghost. The semi-fictional Between Two Ferns. The almost talk shows The Daily Show and Colbert Report. And the best of daytime talk show (I'd assume) Ellen. 

Music Monday: Not girl pop

Music Monday: Fluff and fortified fluff

Unfortunately podcasts have been severely impairing my ability to listen to new albums. Those things are so time consuming. So I have nothing weighty or innovative to post. But instead I'll post a couple songs that while light on content, are fun and up tempo.  I pinky promise that my next music post will be horribly obscure indie minutiae that requires a dozen listens to comprehend.

Cher Lloyd - Want U Back

Cher was from the British X Factor. This version features Astro from the American X Factor, who I happen to hate. But the version of the song without him features her wearing very little clothing, so I opted for this one.



Marina and the Diamonds - Primadonna

I love me some Marina. Mostly I had to post this one so you can tell I know when I'm listening to pop fluff and when I'm listening to something with a bit more substance to it. 

Just another victim

The remarkable thing is not that my bike was stolen, it’s that it’s taken this long. Not my bike in specific, though I did spend 2 years leaving it unsupervised in some of the shadier areas of Idaho. But shady Idaho isn’t overly shady. But the fact is that I can’t really recollect anyone having stolen anything from me until now. I’m sure people have taken a dollar, a soda, a spot in line. But nothing that has really registered in my mind as stolen rather than misplaced or forgotten.

I decided to go cycling yesterday. I keep my bicycle on my balcony, but when I went to retrieve it, it was not there. It’s easy to misplace a book or shirt, but when a bicycle is missing there are relatively few places you could have left it in an apartment before you realize it is indeed not there. My roommates had not moved it and I hadn’t lent it or thrown it away, so I can only assume it was taken.

A remarkable thing is that my balcony is on the second floor of the building. Though I suspect it is not possible to have a balcony on the ground floor. So whoever stole my bike had to scale my building in some way. Not only that, but they had to know it wasn’t locked. It turns out an acquaintance had borrowed and lost my bike lock recently, so indeed it wasn’t. Equally remarkable is that they felt my 11 year old mid-level bike, with completely tore up seat and handlebars and partially rusted gears was worth stealing. From a second story balcony.

I can only conclude that the thieves wanted this bike more than I do. And while it certainly bothers me that I no longer have a bicycle, and that someone got to just take my bicycle, what bothers me the most is that this may have happened a month ago, or even two. Clearly I need to bike more regularly. And I’d commit to doing so if I had a bike. 

Carnivorous

I've heard it said that there are people that like sweet things, and those that like savory things. This is of course a bit silly as a huge portion of the world's population can enjoy a meal of a meat pie followed by a fruit pie. But when push comes to shove I guess you can put yourself in one camp or the other. 

I am most definitely a sweet person, if only in the sense of food preference. I have very rarely in my life craved a steak or fried chicken or a salmon filet or anything of the sort. I've enjoyed all of them, but I don't crave them in the way I crave donuts and candybars and sugar packets. 

But I am also someone who relishes new experiences, so when a new meat is available to sample, I do so. And I'll go a fair amount out of my way, and risk breaking my vomit-free streak to do so. So when the opportunity to get two checkmarks added to my list last night, I jumped at the opportunity. 

Swordfish: I recommend it. I'm sure it tastes like some other kind of fish you have had, but I couldn't pinpoint what it might be. Salmon-y texture but not taste. Taste-wise, I don't know, maybe halibut? In any case, it was quite good. 

Rattlesnake: I can't really recommend it. It wasn't bad by any means, it just wasn't terribly good either. It was kind of like eating a cross between popcorn chicken and calamari. Which sounds better than the snake was. But when combined with some good dipping sauce and some better-than-expected cactus fries, it was certainly enjoyable enough. 

Next on my list: sea urchin. Every sushi place has it on their list, but then they never have it in. One of these days I'll catch one of those sneaky urchins. 

For the curious omnivores, and vegetarians looking for indignation:

Animals I've eaten:

Alligator

Snake

Frog

Chicken

Turkey

Duck

Pheasant

Ostrich 

Fish (I don't feel like determining which. A lot of kinds)

Eel

Octopus

Squid

Shrimp/Crayfish/Prawn

Crab

Lobster

Oyster

Clam

Scallop

Cow (including tongue, liver, brains)

Buffalo

Beefalo

Deer

Elk

Pig (including foot, intestine)

Warthog

Sheep

Goat

Rabbit

Rat

Scorpion

Ant

It would seem that in 30 years I would have eaten more than 30 kinds of meat, but nothing else comes to mind at the moment. If you're looking to try something not on the list, let me know and we'll hunt together. 

The Answers

Round 1: Guns, Cannibalism and Disney

1.     Mikhail Kalashnikov invented what type of gun in 1947?

a.     AK-47

2.     What was the name of Jonathan Swift’s essay advocating the eating of children to benefit society?

a.     A Modest Proposal

3.     What language is Hakuna Matata

a.     Swahili

Round 2: Societies, The Media, And Social Media

1.     What 2 nations call each other Frankreich and Allemagne?

a.     Germany and France

2.     Of this marriage People magazine quipped “Neverland meets Graceland?”

a.     Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

3.     Name what each icon represents?

a.     Twitter, Instagram, Spotify, Tumblr, Blogger, LinkedIn

Bonus:

Flicker, Soundcloud, Skype, StumbledUpon, Reddit, Etsy, Google Plus, Pinterest, Foursquare, Yelp

Round 3: Immigration Law, Islands, In Other Words

1.     In what year did Ellis Island cease to be used as an immigration inspection  point?  1907, 1932, 1954, 1982

2.     What is the largest island in the world?

a.     Greenland

3.     What are synchronous diaphragmatic flutter?

a.     Hiccups

Half Time Question

Match the movies with the Shakespearean work on which they are based.

Forbidden Planet                    The Tempest

Kiss Me Kate                          The Taming of the Shrew

Ran                                          King Lear

Strange Brew                           Hamlet

She’s the Man                          12th Night

The Lion King                         Hamlet

10 Things I Hate About You   The Taming of the Shrew

West Side Story                        Romeo and Juliet

Round 4: ABC: Avengers, Baby Mama, Certified Nerdery

1.     Who was a founding member of the Avengers: Batman, Superman, Spider-man or Ant-man?

a.     Ant-man

2.     Baby Mama features Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. What other film features both actresses?

a.     Mean Girls

3.     What is the name of this sequence: 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21

a.     The Fibonacci Series

Round 5: Geography, Physiology, Reindeerology

1.     What nation contains the lowest AND highest elevation in the Southern AND Western Hemispheres?

a.     Argentina

2.     Individuals afflicted with albinism have a deficiency of what?

a.     Melanin

3.     Which of Santa’s reindeer does not have a city, mountain or body of water in North America named after it?

a.     Prancer

Round 6: Art, Architecture, Life Imitates Art

1.     What is the name of this painting? Bonus question: Who is the artist?

a.     The Scream, Edvard Munch

2.     What architectural landmark is built over Bear Run Creek in Pennsylvania?

a.     Fallingwater

3.     When playing Trivial Pursuit, George Costanza adamantly claimed that who invaded Spain in the 8^th Century?

a.     The Moops

Lightening Round (given simultaneously)

1.     What is the name of Arizona’s controversial law?

a.     SB 1070

2.     Robin Williams provided the voice for the Genie in Aladdin. In what other animated non-Disney movie did he sing?

a.     Fern Gully

3.     Who appeared in more episodes of Seinfeld than any other character other than 4 primary characters?

a.     Newman

4.     This Disney lyric was deemed anti-Islamic and changed after the film’s initial release. “Where they’ll cut off your BLANK if they don’t like your BLANK, it’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.”

Final Question:

The Himalayas pass through various countries. Name at least 4. The team with the highest number of correct countries will receive bonus points.

Definite: China/Tibet, India, Nepal, Bhutan, Pakistan. 

Debatable: Afghanistan, Myanmar,

Very Debatable: Bangladesh 

Trio Trivia 2: Quatro

For my second incarnation of my own trivia night I allowed teams of 4 rather than 3. I also threw in a couple other swerves, such as Daily Doubles and allowing the points-challenged teams control some of the categories.

Again I allowed the teams that formed in advance of the event select categories and ended up with the following 6: Geography, Social Media, Seinfeld, Immigration Law, Baby Mama and Lyrics from Animated Disney Movies from the 1990s. Very few of these aligned with my predetermined questions.

I think it went well. We had about 50 people in attendance which was a bit cozy but worked well considering the obstacles it presented.

 If you live outside the Phoenix area (ie won't be attending) and would be interested in serving as a focus group for future questions, please let me know. I recruited some and it was helpful.

Round 1: Guns, Cannibalism and Disney 1. Mikhail Kalashnikov invented what type of gun in 1947?

2. What was the name of Jonathan Swift’s essay advocating the eating of children to benefit society?

 3. What language is Hakuna Matata

 Round 2: Societies, The Media, And Social Media

1. What 2 nations call each other Frankreich and Allemagne?

 2. Of this marriage People magazine quipped “Neverland meets Graceland?”

 3. Name what each icon represents?

Bonus: What do all of these represent?

Round 3: Immigration Law, Islands, In Other Words

1. In what year did Ellis Island cease to be used as an immigration inspection point? 1907, 1932, 1954, 1982

2. What is the largest island in the world?

3. What are synchronous diaphragmatic flutter?

 Half Time Question 

Match the movies with the Shakespearean work on which they are based.

 Forbidden Planet       Hamlet
Kiss Me Kate             King Lear
Ran                            Romeo and Juliet
Strange Brew            The Tempest
She’s the Man           The Taming of the Shrew
The Lion King          12th Night
10 Things I Hate About You
West Side Story

 Round 4: ABC: Avengers, Baby Mama, Certified Nerdery

 1. Who was a founding member of the Avengers: Batman, Superman, Spider-man or Ant-man?

 2. Baby Mama features Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. What other film features both actresses?

 3. What is the name of this sequence: 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21

 Round 5: Geography, Physiology, Reindeerology

 1. What nation contains the lowest AND highest elevation in the Southern AND Western Hemispheres?

 2. Individuals afflicted with albinism have a deficiency of what?

 3. Which of Santa’s reindeer does not have a city, mountain or body of water in North America named after it?

 Round 6: Art, Architecture, Life Imitates Art

 1. What is the name of this painting? Bonus question: Who is the artist?

 2. What architectural landmark is built over Bear Run Creek in Pennsylvania?

 3. When playing Trivial Pursuit, George Costanza adamantly claimed that who invaded Spain in the 8th Century?

 Lightening Round (given simultaneously)

 1. What is the name of Arizona’s controversial law?

 2. Robin Williams provided the voice for the Genie in Aladdin. In what other animated non-Disney movie did he sing?

 3. Who appeared in more episodes of Seinfeld than any other character other than 4 primary characters?

 4. This Disney lyric was deemed anti-Islamic and changed after the film’s initial release. “Where they’ll cut off your BLANK if they don’t like your BLANK, it’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.”

 Final Question:

 The Himalayas pass through various countries. Name at least 4. The team with the highest number of correct countries will receive bonus points.