Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Easy to Please

I dislike very few foods. I have two possible explanations: I lack passion (thus have few strong likes or dislikes) or I lack a sensitive palate. Actually it’s probably both of these things. In any case, it’s a very helpful characteristic when I’m at the mercy of another’s cooking. Conversely, it’s inconvenient when trying to be decisive over a meal choice. Although I’d hardly say this is a comprehensive list, it’s everything I’ve been able to think of in the last few weeks.

Black Licorice – This stuff is gross. I fail to see how anyone enjoys it. I’m glad that much of the population agrees with me on this one.

Mayonnaise – Totally gross. I realize that I enjoy many things that contain mayonnaise, but the mayo on its own is disgusting. I refuse to purchase it, which means that I consequently don’t eat a lot of tuna. It’s worth the sacrifice.

Tofu – Gross. I guess that saying gross to these is pretty superfluous. If tofu is disguised it can be edible, but on its own it is a nasty gelatinous block of evil.

Rye Bread – This bread is edible only on Reuben sandwiches. Even a brick would taste good when smothered in Swiss cheese and sauerkraut. Otherwise rye is just a bitter waste of carbohydrates.

Stuffing – I have no qualms against store-bought anything. Sometimes I even prefer it to homemade. Bu while certain varieties of homemade stuffing are tolerable (but highly overrated) anything else is gross.

Quiche – This is very surprising, because I like most of the ingredients of quiche. And sometimes I have some and it’s fine. But usually it inspires an inexplicable gag reflex.

Celery – I simply have a moral opposition to food that requires more calories to eat than it provides. I realize that it has next to no taste, but I still avoid it whenever possible.

I think that’s it. There are many foods that I feel aren’t nearly as good as everyone else seems to think they are (watermelon, pepperoni, baked potatoes) but these seven are the only ones that I actually dislike. I can’t really think of any dishes or genres of food that I oppose, except obviously those which are chiefly comprised of these seven ingredients. So if you’re having licorice and mayo on rye, don’t invite me over.

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