Lyrical Gangster

The Black Eyed Peas are a very successful band. From this I assume they have quite a bit of money. So I don’t understand why they can’t hire a lyricist to help them out.

Now I’m not a big Alanis fan, but she did the world a favor by pointing out how ridiculous both the lyrics and video for My Humps is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g

Now will.i.iam, or however he punctuates it, has released his latest opus “I Got It From My Mama.” Here’s a sample:

Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
Baby where’d you get your body from?
Tell me where’d you get your body from.
I got it from my mama.
I got it from my mama.
I got it from my mama.
I got it got it got got it…
Admittedly that’s the chorus, but the chorus happens to occupy 90 % of the song. The verses are slightly better, but then lapse into another fantastic refrain of:

If the girl real fine,
Nine times out of ten,
She fine just like her mama.
If the girl real pretty,
Nine times out of ten,
She pretty like her mama.
And if her mama real ugly,
I guarantee ya she gon’ be ugly like her mama.
And if her mama real ugly,
I guarantee ya she gon’ be ugly like her mama.
HE COULDN’T EVEN COME UP WITH A SYNONYM FOR UGLY. He has to abandon his clever wordplay (switching fine for pretty, later alternating it to sexy and hot) and use ugly every time. Now I know that Fergie’s a big star now and takes her thesaurus with her on tour, but can’t he find a 3rd grader to help him out here?

Wouldn’t the world just be a better place if the Peas took their beats (which are admittedly very danceable) and hired some poor schlub to put something moderately compelling lyrically into their songs? I’m a bit busy, but I could refer them to several dozen of my friends who seem to have more skill than will.i.iam.

Admittedly, I’m a hypocrite. Beck is an artist I quite like, and his latest single “Timebomb” is filled with such gems as these:

We're going sideways
Highways
Riding on an elevator
Cold just like an alligator
Now my baby's out of date
Fighting and lightning
And tightening above the buckles
Of an atom bomb's timebomb
Tick tick tick tick


I don’t know, somehow I just feel better about Beck’s lyrics. I’m positive that he knows what all of these words mean. He’s rambling off a stream of consciousness, but again, he knows what a stream of consciousness is. Even if it’s absurd gibberish, it feels like he put thought into it and everything is intentional. I’ll download both songs, but I’ll only pay for Beck. I’ll have the Peas around for when someone requests to hear it, but I’ll silently judge them when I press play.