Blarg

I understand now why people get so impassioned watching American Idol. The judges are infuriatingly inept. The producers have an exceedingly low expectation of their viewer’s intelligence. And contestants are more repetitious than professional athletes in their analysis of their performance. What I don’t understand is why people are impassioned in a positive way towards these shows. My brief foray into reality television may be at an end.

When I picked my favorite performers previously, I mentioned 11 out of the 32 currently in the running. I wasn’t exactly dead set on one person who NEEDED to be the winner of the contest. But it turns out that the judges read my blog (Hi Paula!) and let almost none of these 11 through. They also looked down at my list of 5 people I hated (as performers, not personally) and let all 5 of them through.

The biggest mistakes were cutting Caitlin Koch and Tora Woloshin. These two actually had some personality, quite a bit of talent, were gorgeous and had what I would call “The X Factor.” I almost turned the show off when they were cut.

Brennin Hunt was a douchebag, but I’m positive he would make a lot of money as a professional douchebag, so cutting him was a mistake. Jazzlyn Little was the oldest of the little girls, and seems much more marketable to me than the younger bunch.

I picked up Christa last week, after a great Radiohead cover, only to have her cut. Sorry Christa, it was my fault for liking you. Anser was the least annoying of the groups so I thought about adding them, so again, they were cut.

I understand Dexter making it. He’s a sob story, so people will like to watch him. Problem is, no one is going to listen to a Dexter Haygood album. He’s not very good, but the judges don’t seem to mind that. Simone FORGOT HER LYRICS in the last round and is still going through. Brian Bradley can’t sing, only rap, and is going through. Hopefully they won’t ask him to sing, dance or not be conceited, because he doesn’t have any of those skills.

Blarg. Anyway, I do still have horses in the race, but they’re not my favorite horses.

Girls category – Drew.

Boys category – Marcus Canty and Chris Rene. I’m dropping Chris Rene due to his sob story, and I now refuse to support anyone with a sob story thanks to Dexter. So Marcus is my pick.

Old category – Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell and Stacy Francis. I’m going with Josh as he is the least sobby of the three.

Groups – No one cares about this category.

Soft in the head

On June 11th, 2002, I was a missionary in Idaho. A missionary in Idaho who had no appointments on his blue planner that night. So I started hitting up the regulars: recent converts, ward leadership, past investigators, whoever would listen. Turns out none of them would listen, because every single house we stopped at was watching this new television show: American Idol.

Over the years I've seen hundreds of little bits and pieces of Idol. Mostly I like the beginning of the year when half of the contestants are so horrible you wonder why anyone lets them leave the house. But I've never gotten into the show, mostly because I'm a heterosexual male. Also because Ryan Seacrest fills me with an irrational anger.

So it's difficult to explain why I've started watching The X Factor. I'd like to say that I'm doing so because of it's named after the X-Men's sister team, but I don't think anyone watching the show also reads semi-obscure comic books.

Mostly it's the fault of Viral Viral Videos. I'm a busy guy, so I don't actually have time to cull in internet for all the inane things that I post for other people's amusement. So I let VVV do the work for me. Lately they've been posting whatever X Factor contestant is trending most on the internet, and like a sucker I watch the clips. And now, I want to see who wins.

Turns out I like Simon Cowell. This isn't too surprising because I like quick witted sarcastic truth tellers, and that's what he is. Turns out I also like Paula Abdul. She's about as lovable as a raving lunatic can be. The Pussycat Doll is fine enough on the eyes and L.A. Reid serves as good foil for Simon. And generally I skip through all the intros and fluff and hugging and junk, because I like these judges better than most of the contestants. So just watching the actual songs and the judges saves a considerable amount of time.

So without further ado, here are the people I like. So I'm guessing they won't make it far.

Top X Factor picks, in no particular order.

1. Caitlin Koch. She's a rugby player from Western NY. Win.
2. Tara Woloshin. From Tucson, and she may be the hottest mechanic in the world as the clip states.
3. Josh. I'm not going to bother to learn to spell his name, I'm not that invested. But he's from Columbus and dresses like a schlub so I like him.
4. Leroy Bell. The most interesting thing about him might be his refusal to age, but that's still pretty interesting.
5. Brennin Hunt. I'm quite confident that he's a colossal douchebag, but I really want to see him explode in national tv so I don't want him eliminated yet.
6. Marcus Canty. Vanilla, but likable and talented.
7. Talented youngins. I don't imagine these three will be able to play with the big dogs, but Drew Ryniewicz, Rachel Crow and Jazzlyn Little are all pretty impressive.
8. Stacy Haygood. I'm only going to pick one sob story, and she gets my vote. Chris Rene is a close 2nd, and Dexter Haygood would be a contender except I don't like watching him.

And for good measure, the people who I want to get off my tv quickly:
Simone Battle, Tiah Tolliver, Brian Bradley, Phillip Lomax, Dexter Haygood