Lifelessness

So I was recently roasted for my birthday (an enjoyable experience, though perhaps not for the faint of heart) and one of the comments concerned the massiveness of my Facebook interacting with the massiveness of my Blog and how this would cause a tear in space/time and end the universe. They obviously hadn't been reading my blog, since it has hardly been massive these last few months. And although I have done a great many interesting things since I last reported in, I'm not going to write them at this time. Instead you get this little bit of fluff, which I have already prepared for my facebook.


“SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 of these films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.”

So what’s up with this list that’s popping up everywhere? And by everywhere I mean facebook and myspace, because I’m not invited anywhere else. Notice the high number of horror movies and chick flicks. Notice the high concentration of movies from the 90s and later. I believe the author of the list believes these to be films of little value. Although there are a number of films on here that I LOVE, I agree that most of them are pretty pointless, and their sequels even more so. Hence if you’ve seen 85 of THESE movies, not just 85 movies in general, you have no life. Perhaps the author is correct. All I know is that I spent 30 minutes researching and doing this, which proves to me that I have no life much more than my total of 138.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
() Blazing Saddles
() Airplane
Total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 15

(x) Scream
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
() Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
(x ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
(x) The Village
() Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 25

(x) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(x ) Signs
() The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x ) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 31

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
(x ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 39

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
(x ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber
Total so far: 44

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
() Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
() I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 48

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
(x ) Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
(x ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 55

(x) Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
( x) Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total so far: 65

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
(x ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 70

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x ) Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 79

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
() Freaky Friday
(x ) Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 90

() Swimfan
() Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
() A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 94

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 100

() Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(x) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x ) Highlander
(x ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 105

() The Jacket
( x) Kung Fu Hustle
( x) Shaolin Soccer
( x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x ) Shaun Of the Dead
(x ) Willard
Total so far:113

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
() Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 119

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 124

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(x ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( x) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 132

(x ) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x ) Hannibal

Grand Total: 138
Out of 239 (57.7%)

Bonus Round! I found a couple people that included the following list at the end of the list. However I really like most of the movies that I’ve seen from the ones below, so I don’t think it holds up with the trends of the rest of the list.

() Battle Royale
() Battle Royale 2
(x) Brazil
(x) Contact
(x) The Cube
(x) Dr. Strangelove
() Enlightenment Guaranteed
() Four Rooms
(x) Memento
(x) Pi
(x) Requiem for a Dream
() Pulp Fiction
() Reservoir Dogs
(x) Run Lola Run
() Russian Ark
(x) Serenity
(x) Sin City
(x) Snatch
() Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
() Waking Life
() Zatoichi
() Ikiru
(x) The Seven Samurai
() Brick
(x) Akira

Trying out the calling

This weekend was my first ward activity. Well kind of my second, and kind of the one before my first. I’ll elaborate.

My first first ward activity was the potato derby. I was called to run the activities and the event was planned for later in the week. So I technically presided over the proceedings. But I didn’t do much to run it, did nothing to plan it and basically just helped clean up afterwards. My real first ward activity is next week, and I’ll tell you about it after the fact. I’ve affectionately named it The Debacle and we’ll just see what happens.

But this was the first activity I ran (with Stacey of course), though it had been on the books already. The event was known as the Chili/Chocolate Cookoff, though I most often referred to it as the Hoedown. We send around signup sheets to compete and ended up with more than a dozen chilies and an equal number of desserts. It was certainly more than enough for people to eat and much more than I had initially expected. I think it all falls back to the “Here’s something I can do that will look impressive to the opposite sex” principle. Those of us on the activities committee made cornbread and brought the chili accessories. The actually judging of the chili was done democratically, but was really a minor point. No one really cared if they won (correction: one person stuffed the ballot box, so she obviously cared) and we all just sat around eating chili.

I tried to liven up this portion of the event. Using my mad-DJ skills I made a soundtrack for the event. Because I despise country music (as I said, the event was on the books, I didn’t propose it) my soundtrack was primarily bluegrass and southern rock music, which I felt also fit in with the chili theme. I included some Johnny Cash, tv themes (Rawhide, Bonanza and Hey Dude!) and some interesting covers (Don’t Worry Be Happy and a Radiohead medly, done in western style) and even the most diehard anti-country listeners agreed it was quite listenable. I also set up a western movie room next door, which had the fine choices of Maverick, Shanghai Noon, and because it was a church activity, The Man From Snowy River and Fievel Goes West. I really wanted to provide people an alternative to the second half of the activity: Square dancing.

We hired a caller to run this portion of the event. The main benefit of this was that we made sure he was set up correctly and then never had to enter the room again. The only thing worse than country music is country dancing. But we had a pretty good turnout in there as well, so I consider it a success. Plus no bar fights erupted, and how many country events can claim that?

The Wiles of BK

Burger King tricked me once again! They recently started a breakfast dollar menu, featuring none other than their famous French toast sticks.

French Toast sticks are manna to my taste. Except they are even better than manna because I could eat them every day and never get tired of them. Whether due to their inherent superiority, or more likely because they were the first kind I ever had, they have become the standard against which all others are measured. KFC coleslaw holds the same spot as my favorite of all coleslaws. I realize that the fact that I love both coleslaw and French toast sticks makes me white trash, and this is only furthered by the fact that I prefer the fastfood versions. In any case, I was very excited to pay a dollar for these delectable treats.

You only get 3 sticks! I didn’t really believe that I could have my six sticks for a dollar, but I was hoping for 4 or 5. But 3 hardly seems the effort of opening the fake syrup. I ended up buying 2 orders, which isn’t terribly unreasonable (financially at least) because you can’t really buy a fastfood meal for a dollar. Two dollars will hold me over for 6-8 hours, so I made due with my 6 sticks. But I’m not going to get up early to go to BK before class again anytime soon.

Dream a little dream for me

I often remember my dreams, but only for about 2 minutes after I wake up. In the first 30 seconds I think that the dream would make a great story. In the minute following I realize that it didn’t make any sense. And in that last 30 seconds it fades away. For some reason this one stuck around, though it is completely unusable for even the most avant-garde fiction.

The dream starts out with me looking out the window at the bonoboes. In reality a bonobo is primate that is closely related to both chimpanzees and humans. They’re smaller than chimps and are unusually peaceful animals. But in my dream a bonobo is a miniature kangaroo. Furthermore they’re not peaceful, but quite pugnacious creatures that will attack a human many times their size. And for some odd reason which was pertinent to the plot of the dream, but not at all to reality, they look exactly like house cats when they’re sitting still and only reveal themselves to be bonoboes when they start hopping towards you. And a bunch of them have gathered around my house. Someone leaves a door open and they begin invading the domicile and I flee upstairs. I come across the two castles I’ve built in a room, one made of Legoes and the other made of something else. I can’t remember what, but it was definitely not Legoes. And for some reason it was very important that I get these castles safely out of the house. Luckily I have luggage designed to carry the two miniature castles and I escape out the window. It may be interest that being attacked in my home by various creatures is not uncommon in my dreams.

I find myself on vacation. I think in reality my dreaming mind had already forgot about the miniature kangaroos. But if I were to make a story out of this mess I would be on the lamb from the kangaroos. At first I seemed to be in a rainforest, but it ended up being in Utah. The only indication that this rainforest was in Utah was that I later drove to BYU to see an old girlfriend, though it’s unclear why. Driving also never goes well in my dreams. I’m always stuck in some precarious situation; this time I was driving full speed down the highway in reverse. I’m pretty sure that cars can’t go full speed in reverse, but in the dream I was in traffic and attempting not to hit anyone while looking ahead in my rearview mirror. But I rarely die in my stressful driving situations, and I didn’t here either. I made it to BYU, only to have the dream switch up again entirely.

Now I’m in a steam filled bathroom. The only concrete detail I remember from this final portion is rinsing out my mouth and spitting out a lot of watery blood. I often lose teeth in my dreams, but in this case I was just spitting out this blood. And for some reason this was very important and I was relieved that I was able to get so much blood out.

So as you can see, there’s not much I can use here to further my literary career. But if there happen to be any dream analysts out there, I’d appreciate your feedback. Because a normal person doesn’t call a violent miniature kangaroo a bonobo.